Insite into the Establishment

The Search for the Pot of Gold

2012-01-16T13:08:00.003-05:00

Perhaps it was all anaccident for what you see to have existed

To have been assisted for meto be what you observe currently

The mindless dribble that wasbabbled sometimes incoherently

The visuals I passed toothers that were mostly apparent to only me

With timid tendencies fromRonald Sr. who was a parent to me

Apparently, this path oppositeshy was the proper affair for me

Right?

On one day

At one moment

In one interaction

I question if it was all anaccident

In the fraction of second ittakes oxygen to be inhaled

I was beckoned by destiny

Though what if I hadoverlooked her opportunity or even bailed?

Turning away believing it wasnot my tale to narrate or orchestrate

It’s a possibility I couldhave been elected in error by fate

At this point I don’t dare toescape but I can’t help but wonder

What if I didn’t acceptdestiny’s proposal

But instead chose simply tomark her message as read

Would the power of prose haveever been at my disposal?

Could the life I live havebeen captured by a non-biological lens?

Certain psychological tearsmay have never needed stitching or amends

Destroying actions but savingexperiences being an inexperience

The constant combat betweenheart and mind leaving me on the fence

How about the commotions ofemotions having never been documented?

The feelings that were givingfacial expressions

The longings that were givenlegs to stand upon

The reminiscing thatregistered through recordings

Even a list’s creation withindividual tales I was once all for

How would the overall novelgo had I not been the author?

Such doubt intermittentlydelves deep in my core

As though it bore a hole tocreate a home to take refuge

Even when I try to refusethey intrude through my mind’s locked door

With them bringing thoughtssimilar of a penguin with dreams to one day soar

What if this was never meantfor me?

But instead was the fate foranother to embrace its hold

What if I never acknowledgedthe rainbow displayed by destiny?

Never searching for her potof gold

1/16/2012

Anticipation

2011-11-22T17:54:00.001-05:00

The emotionalpurpose of my heart is pointless

It pointsless to happiness and more to an unhappy mess

Anticipationsof new relations aren't so bright

Over theyears I've had revelations that they only bring plight

Try as Imight they always meet the same fate

So now Idon't even believe in fate

I believein hate

I believein anger and frustration

There is norule that a stranger must station themselves permanently

So Ibelieve in disappointment due to a temporary presence

And Ibelieve in the betrayal this presents

The gift ofneglect is one I wish to give back

Because nowI only anticipate being let down

The desireto resuscitate relevance wore out

I've pouredout all my energy to avoid creating an enemy

But anenemy is what I'd prefer over a person being a false friend to me

It is nowso that no entrance creates excitement

Because Iknow that an exit will soon follow

FortunatelyI no longer wallow in sorrow at such an event

Theemotions used for that have long been depleted

And now I'mseated next to an anticipation of a loss

Though Iwish it was the anticipation itself that was lost

11/22/2011

Quiet

2011-10-18T11:01:00.002-04:00

The volume used to always beat the highest level

As rebels to silence theywould create an increase in treble

Speech reached a new peakeach time they raised the decibel

It was an involuntary actionthat made free thought accessible

Funny, when the container forstress was full so was I

Full of ideas

Full of concepts

Full of passion and rage thatcrept across each Word page

Microsoft was my stage eachtime the gage in my head read overload

There would be more colorfulcommentary than the month of October showed

My mind was a freeway with nospeed limit

With no thought too timid nortoo offensive

Buckets of statements wouldpour through my head

Far more than a rinse jobwould give

But since the odd changes Istarted to live, things changed

The thoughts started comingslower

They became hesitant to beexposed

It is as if they were walkingon egg shells

It is as though they tip-toedusing all toes

I cannot imagine if they werescared to make a peep

Felt their offerings were nolonger deeply unique

Or if they simply all justfeel asleep

But I need them to wake andtake away this peace

Please cease this hush thatwas placed upon the table

They were fun, fast, furiousand unstable

They were so frantic theywere able to incite a riot

But somewhere down the linethey all got quiet

*Crickets*

10/12/2011

Patient of Patience

2011-09-06T10:37:00.000-04:00

I think I may need to make an appointment
I can’t tell if my eyes are opened or closed
Have I become that visually impaired?
Has my third eye gone blind?
Have I stared off into space for so long I’ve become lost in thought?
That is a hard thought to conceive considering the state of my mind
Nothing is on it
My mind used to be a wonderful mess of ideas that meshed into a network
Intricately intertwined became every idea that entered my mind
Though I’m not sure how that was possible
You would think that mess would cause an obstacle
But that randomness birthed creative content
It was a constant motion that I always gave consent
I didn’t want it to stop or leave me
But now I feel like a visionary without a vision
Maybe I should seek the attention from a physician
I’m feeling off
The inspiring voices in my head have been replaced by echoing howls
I find it hard to make and commit to a decision without my mental backup
This possibly explains why I remain dormant
I must be awaiting my brain to storm and vent
To swarm my bent outlook with support until it is realigned
This could take some time
But if it results in a refined frame of mind then it’s worth it
Yeah, that’s it
I simply need to cushion my cranium to allow proper blood flow
Forcing inspiration wouldn’t make sense
I’ll await it with a weighted prescription of patience

8/27/2011

Poet Devoid of Purpose

2011-09-06T10:34:00.001-04:00

I feel like a voice with no ear to speak into A performer with no stage to perform upon
So much energy wasted yet never spilled
Leaving a distilled version of a man before your eyes
But deep below the surface a fire still burns
There rests a man that still yurns to make a difference
A man that still believes hope can come to the hopeless
A man that still believes dreams can develop out of nightmares
A man that still believes love can conquer hate
He has just yet to find his escape
He has traveled many streets and highways looking for the right avenue
Even by having new corners to express through just won’t do
He knows those potential spectators will bypass
His friendly “hi!” usually meets their “bye” fast
So this man stays stashed deep inside
He is there thinking while I am outside sinking
I find myself near drowning
Struggling to keep my head above water in a sea of doubt
Wondering if that wave of despair on the horizon will finish me off
Or will I find the strength to find a coast and swim to shore
Find that microphone that can make me sure of myself once more
To make the internal presence presented to the external
Because until I do
I’m reluctant to feel like anything more than a poet devoid of purpose
8/27/2011

Currents of Conversation

2011-06-05T12:29:00.002-04:00

Sometimes all you desire to do is converse
But with listening not being your primary action
You just wish to empty your mind with someone
Spilling thought after thought
Not worrying of the mess it may create
You just hope someone will mop it up with their attention
Absorbing each statement attentively
That is what you want to happen

But what does happen is the exact opposite
You can leak a thought that induces another’s to trickle
Then the streams of their statements begin to overflow
Over powering the conversation with a river of responses
Rarely stopping to acknowledge your puddle
And before you know it you have been swept away
Left to drown in an ocean of their testimonials

You have grown used to the conditions of this current
You wade in the waters created waiting for tides to change
Not for your life to be priority over theirs
Just for your life to be a priority you can openly share
But the seas of your mind remain sealed by a dam
Waiting for the opportunity to spill out

6/5/2011

The List

2011-05-23T23:30:00.003-04:00

There is a list
It was carefully constructed by my creative hand
Making sure not one entry was missed
Each entry consist of a name
Either added because my heart knew no other aim
Or from a slight memory lapse from a moment lost in the mist
We shared many romantic embraces
There were plenty of times when we passionately kissed
Our conversations carried the nights with their contents
Each entry encased my life with some form of essential bliss

However one thing has to be to gain entry on this list
The name must be referred to in the past tense
Either by their own accord or I chose not to afford paying attention
Mistakes were made mustering the strength to clinch
To clasp the last gasps of oxygen before the air got too dense
But to have the name recorded means it is too late
Fate determined there is nothing to return to and nothing to recreate
Because now when I think of the entry I whence
And wish to rinse away each essence
But they live on in memory because they died in presence

Now to retain such a list sounds the action of a masochist
But I am not one to get pleasure from pain
Reflecting on remembrances rejuvenates my desire to refrain
I would love developing amnesia that would seize the memory bank
Erase each thought or replace them with a more sought after gain
To obtain a stronger stature that has shriveled and shrank
That list is not to remember each name but instead where I came from
And to remind me the past is behind me and I just cannot save some
Maybe sustaining this list is my vice and should not remain
Because this list is a list of love that was slain

5/23/2011

See Shell

2011-05-15T14:01:00.001-04:00

I have lost my confidence
I ignored suggestions from my common sense
And now I am left empty
Simply because I did not refill what was in me
I now walk the roads as a shell
Large portions of my day fell upon creation
They knelt to ideas and hope
They would grope the threads that dreams were made of
And pull them near by the fantasy stitched rope
But an emotional battle would rattle that steady hand
I used to believe
Through a determined fight I could achieve
But each loss would cost me focus
Until inside I eventually would choke thus creating a hardship
It became increasingly difficult to believe is what I would notice
My positive outlook became an anion
It is now hard to keep an eye on any goal
Because when you invest so much belief only to be wrong
There is not much left inside to keep you strong
So long to the hopes to be of the future
Farewell to each fantasy
As now an energy filled vessel is not a description of me
You can now see I am a shell
Empty is what has come of me

4/30/2011

I Neet to Hate You

2011-04-11T09:40:00.004-04:00

These emotions can no longer exist
I can not let these feelings be felt
They used to give goose bumps down the arms
Now they create an eerie chill up the spine
As over time the devotion deteriorated
Loyalty loosened its grip
And constant became inconsistent

We have been deadlocked in a non-progressive area
And I can not find the path through
Please understand I do not want to hate you
I have to
I can no longer laugh through the pain
Smile through the frustration
Or let the disappointments roll off my shoulder
They have taken too great of a toll as the years grew older

I wish you would have taken notice the transition
To have seen “taking too long” becoming “took too long”
And your absence when I looked behind me
I could not find the person that had the back she had once claim
Nor could I locate her when I called out her name
When my aim had always been the same of being a priority
Not necessarily the top priority
Just to be a priority

I can not erase the past
So I must embrace the future and the death of a love
And the only way to kill love is with an infection
Give it an injection of hate
I do not want to hate you
I need to hate you because I am in love with you
But your actions chose this fate

4/11/2011

To Catch My Breath

2010-12-29T11:29:00.000-05:00

Breaths quickly escaping yet slowly returning
Heartbeats racing while I am left chasing
Pursuit of calmer inhaling and exhaling action
I hope to relax one moment soon
Regain my composure and return to a state of whole
But still feet never reach any goal
Leaving no rest for the weary soul
Just more breaths with a shorter life span
I try and fight asthmatic sensations as much as I can
But there is only so much I can struggle
Before my respiratory system is weakened in the tussle
And I hyperventilate from the scuffle
Leaving my breaths in a muffle from the shallow inhalation

I gasp…

Then I clasp tight to what breath I was able to obtain
Because it is never known for how long it will remain
Nor if it will be able to sustain that race through the rough terrain
Still on the journey
Still in a race
Still giving chase to catch my breath

12/29/2010

Cryptically I Speak

2010-11-29T18:30:00.000-05:00

Cryptically I speak
To clear the conscious of the heart
My style of communication must remain unique
Accidentally created for you to seek answers if curious
Not to lead you astray until furious
My apologies if I do so
Just know that explanations typically move slow
Especially when I am serious with my mood’s flow
Because sometimes it will grow abstract and oblique
Many times many rhymes have consisted of focus
The lack there of or misguided technique
Because my views are constantly distorted
For this I am consistently reported by one critique
Characterized as a personified mystery
And in a mystery are two fields of intensity
As some mysteries are to build suspense
Some mysteries are to build a fence
It is the double nature of the beast
It is what blows in the air of the mystique
It blows the attention of those who merely peek
And it grows the fascination of those who desire a mental treat
But it is only I that knows the intentions hidden deep
Down in seclusion far from harmful intrusion
So in conclusion I reiterate
My style of communication must remain unique
To clear the conscious of the heart
Cryptically I speak

11/24/2010

Blessed Curse

2010-11-20T22:27:00.000-05:00

In a world full of blessings
I feel cursed
When I look as though I’m at my best
I feel like I’m at my worst
When sorrow should be the last thing on my mind
It always appears first
And just when it feels I’m expanding the bubble of life
That bubble then bursts
Then I try to nurse that life back to health
Motivate my eyes to see the true wealth
But either I’m visually impaired
Or those visions are hidden in stealth
Yet I know they exist
It’s just hard for me to resist seeing things as falling in place
Especially when if feels like things are falling apart
Every part of reality is based on perception
And I guess this is just how my mind perceives it
No exception
Even in an exceptional life
I find myself feeling lack luster
And though I muster the strength to appreciate the joys
It’s this blessed cursed feeling that continuously annoys
Damn
　
11/19/2010

Fear of Fruition

2010-11-19T13:54:00.000-05:00

I’m scared of my thoughts
I’m terrified of my ideas
I fear my dreams
Because it seems they are misguided
I’m not sure if I can trust them
Not after my dreams and nightmares have collided
Even after the after shocks have subsided
It still leaves a sense of uncertainty in the airA cloudy presence
A view distorted
I lost focus when I set sights on a foreign land
I lost control
For in the hand of my greatest weapon of choice
My imagination
I was struck down from all that I held true
All in hopes that I’d see dreams restarted anew
The desire that I’d succeed in long planned constructions
I only succeeded in confining myself in a coupe as opportunity flew
Now I sit in this uncertainty
Pondering
Yet fearful to complete the thought
Thinking
Yet timid to construct the idea
And dreaming
Yet petrified of the nightmare-ish infrastructure it may create

11/18/2010

Hide and Seek

2010-08-29T11:07:00.000-04:00

I play a game of hide and seek when the tribulations of my life are on repeat
The participants change but each situation remains in the same way unique
Confused as cowardly running away
I just need to recuperate to refrain from meeting defeat
Meeting a bleak ending of being without a paddle up the creek
I take away the viewing pleasure because I’m seeing oblique
And yes my contacts are in
But it’s my conscience within that needs to see clear as crystal
I lose so much strength and I fear it’s mental
I listen to the song my heart beats though only appearing in an instrumental
And I can’t rewind the music so I end the visual
Steps taken to remind me of each important interval
I vanish to see if "they" will come and find me
To know if I fall back who will be there standing behind me
So I remove myself from the distractions that blind me
Interactions that negatively remind me of eminent failure
Intimate moments when I would lay "your" fears to rest
And punctually pray for an outcome marked "best"
Only to notice as I travel east
My dreams ran west
So I would need to be alone so I could get a loan from my memory bank
Get myself in good financial standing before life’s sentimental value sank
This was needed before I could allow new visuals to be sketched
Instead of me only drawing a blank
It’s not fair the rank in life doesn’t always come as requested
Sometimes I must momentarily free myself from the ties that bind me
Contrary to your first thought you are not the only one tested
I’m trying to see if I can find me

8/28/2010

Deaf Ears

2010-07-10T12:04:00.000-04:00

The worse silence is a forced silence by deaf ears
Because death nears the ability that is the spoken word
As there used to be a time when I spoke and you heard
You listened to the truths that christened the openings of your minds
And the revealing of the parts you’d been concealing known as your hearts
But it would seem that ability has fallen to defeat or rose to reach its peak
As now when I speak my words condense and then evaporate with no leak
All invisible to the eye
Silenced to the ear
Removed from its essence so think of the tree in the forest absent of presence
Debate whether it makes a sound
Now apply the same principle to when I speak the spoken word
When only deaf ears are around

7/8/2010

We'll Meet Again

2010-05-26T22:59:00.000-04:00

Many times I’ve watched the door open
Many times I’ve watched the door slam closed
I’ve watched requests granted and denied from ideas that were proposed
Now I suppose that would be enough
It should be sufficient in bringing down the demeanor from where it once arose
But with a nose up and a chin out
This is not the case
It is simply the binding on the book of life
The story has yet to reach its completion
Just the addition of another chapter to the novel
Including vivid descriptions depicting when I would grovel to the God’s of fate
Willing to sacrifice an arm and a leg
All in desire of obtaining a heart and a soul
This dream is sold to that of the passionate
Included if you purchase the hope that is treasured inside the human chest
Assuming the best route is taken laying the fears to rest
But sometimes navigation does not go right and heads west
Traveling down that dream street crosses a nightmare on elm
Leading you to aggravation in a realm filled with a savage nation
But my observation sees through that storm
Though currently cloudy and distorted is the vision
I replenish and refocus
I invoke a new lens thus setting my sights on a new outlook
And I say look out if you have only prepared for the worst
I pour my heart out for my beliefs
Grab a cup and drink every drop if you feel a thirst
Because the truth is I don’t know where we’ll go
No clue what or how long everlasting may be
Can’t tell you where we’ll have been
But our destinies have proven intertwined so no matter what
We’ll meet again

5/26/2010

Private Dinner

2010-04-15T11:57:00.000-04:00

All I know how to do is write in this world
How I would love for it to feast on the servings of my mind
But I fear there is not a table strong enough to hold such servings
Nor any occupied chairs in which to serve patrons
For these reasons I hesitantly cook public meals
No need to dirty my dishes to deaf ears
Or cater a table to those who can not spare time to savor the flavor
I silent bake enough to fill my plate
I grill what will spill out of my mind
Some times towards others I am selfish with my servings
It is only to preserve things like true understanding
To fill my inner appetite with appreciation
What point is the anticipation of a new bike to a paraplegic?
What joy comes from the blind receiving new contacts?
So I roast with a toast to myself
Three cheers for me from me
I conceal my thoughts intentionally
I reveal my thoughts attentively paying attention to the hungry
Who is famished for understanding?
Or who would just snack on a topic?
How I would love to play chef with my thoughts
I just fear the preparations would spoil in vain
Therefore they remain
The servings of one

2/12/2010

Black

2009-12-01T21:30:00.001-05:00

To be everything I know
I must forget everything I knew
The evidence of relevance must be destroyed

Through my darkest days
Even in my most comforting shadows
There used to shine a light
A light to guide my life
But long ago that light departed
Long ago that light blew out
Leaving me wandering
Searching for my path
Leaving me wondering
Why my visions became distorted
With all my eyes left to see being black

Black is what my life began fading to
So black is what I will engage
Every memory
Every moment
Every thought will fade
Erase from existence as accepted
The revelation is in place
For the spirit to meet survival
I must witness destruction

I chastised many for thoughtlessness
For the memory loss
But it is proven a necessity
One must forget to remember
Remember how to operate controls of initial drive
Forget what was to embrace what can be
Not out of dishonor
But in respect to elevation
So to amplify my voice
I will silence this life
I will forget it all
In effort to find the light
My world must completely fade to black

11/11/2009

Intentionally Ignored

2009-11-12T23:08:00.003-05:00

I know you see me
Out the corner of your eye
Peripheral vision firmly in place
Yet eyes casually turned
Attempting to blind my image

I know you notice my call
With the advancements in technology
Missed calls alone accumulate in a list
Yet voicemails that fall upon deaf ears
All at the press of a button marked ignore

I know you read my text
Dedicated diction more used than email
An instant message minus the central processing unit
To your phone comes a direct addressing
Yet only to be opened to have the notification removed

I know you see me online
My sign on signifies an update to your screen
My status is seen when ever you curiously browse a companion
My personalized presence stamped on your list
Yet for no reason it seems I occupy that list as “friend”

Yes I know you see me
Foolishly thinking my perishing would punish you
Watching as my absence is as valued as my presence
I have bared witness to this horrendous act
Yet let me add one more piece to your ignorance
Ignore this “fuck you ‘friend’” as you are intentionally ignored back

11/12/2009

To the Graveyard

2009-11-03T15:46:00.001-05:00

The plot to rest a weary soul
Curled in sheets of soil to warm the cold body
Pulled snuggly across chest
With head resting adjacent a bronze headboard
Personalized
After it became realized all had fallen
So did the will to proceed
False purpose faded into shadows
Eye lids now have fallen to eternal darkness
A temporary thought became a permanent visit
Day break will not break this sleep
The slumber in a bed six feet deep

11/3/2009

Visually Impaired (Blind)

2009-10-16T18:46:00.001-04:00

I can not see
Though my vision is clear I am still blind
My line of sight is lost to me
To see again would fill my heart
My filled heart would lead me to the joy
But my vision continues to toy with my mobility
Tease me
Deceive me
Believe me when I say this
It is not that I do not have a desired destination
It is just that I do not know where to begin the path to reach it
Because I see nothing
No entertainment to stimulate ideas
No stimulation to motivate moves
No motivation to create greatness
I have good
I want great
But I just can not see it

At times it seems I see the world through cataract eyes
Clouded from the world’s vibrant and colorful environment supplies
Now washed out
Tossed out became the old highs
In came the new lows
The low lights
Dim bulbs
Faded radiance
Luminosity that is adequate enough only to see in front my face
But adequate has become inadequate
I need more
My eyes need to again fully feast
To feed the vision of the visionary beast
Because for now he starves
My eyes hungrily lust for a sight
A sight to find a path
They aimlessly gaze
Blind

10/13/2009

Relative Direction

2009-10-09T19:34:00.000-04:00

I don’t feel right
I feel left
I feel left by the inner makings of me
The goals
The aspirations
The desires
The passions
The “me”
Even though I try to walk with my chin up
I still feel so down
Dropping further and further
Plummeting deep below the depths of my construction
Lowered to levels far beyond my understanding
It seems each step towards stability
Each stride backed me away from “me”
The sense of fulfillment
The peace of mind
That a piece of mine was worth value
How true this seemingly falsified sensation felt
The power I felt before
The creation I knelt before
That I would arise and stand up for
But now
I feel sideways
No longer curving around obstructions to the dreams
I’ve run straight into them
Making navigation to the “me” dire
Until that course is found
Until that mistake has discovered its correction
I remain lost in the relative direction

10/8/2009

Rest

2009-10-07T18:11:00.001-04:00

I am in need of sufficient rest
It is the best medicine for a heavy head
Loaded from constant thoughts
The weight alone at times is unbearable
Incomparable to any physical mass
What you observe
Mystery and strength
What I feel
Pressure
Constant and consistent
Pressure
The limbs left limp
But the brain muscle tenses
From thoughts of the past and future tenses
All held in seclusion
Accumulating by the moment
Release is a fantasy restricted by misunderstanding
Misleading is the tool used to the unyielding
As watching for the lips to part
This is not the start of the gateway
My closed lips guard my secrets
But my eyes tell those hidden tales
They speak through the voice of silence
A voice that frequents deaf ears
But as the day’s death nears
I put away my fears
I will continue my workout in the dawn
Because for now
I am in need of sufficient rest

10/6/2009

Drawing a Blank

2009-09-12T16:44:00.002-04:00

First stroke
Most important stroke
Stretching across the center page
That is
Until the pencil broke
I tried to stencil originally in fear I would choke
Never was an avid follower though
So it was eventual for me to throw that style away
With a new pen I evolved into freehand designs
The untamed
The unbridled
The unyielding strokes across the canvas
It was so liberating
Exhilarating sensations overshadowed the mind
Insinuating these relations where my DNA’s kind
Pain could rage across the page
Sorrow could cry upon its corners
Depression could find solitude in its emptiness
Happiness could cheer on each side
Excitement could dance where ever it chose
Until I arose to a blockade
Obstructing my thoughts of old
I once believed those emotions would not fade
But those ideas and feelings that would scream
They have now dwindled to a mutter
Faint and indistinctness dull each new stroke
Until I pause
Look down
And realize
After all the recent markings
I have just drawn a blank

9/12/2009

Daddy

2009-07-28T12:13:00.000-04:00

Daddy
It’s been so long since I said that aloud
It no longer exits my mouth set to occupy your ears
It’s not the same said into vacant space
I remember when it was said with grace to get your attention
To turn your face in my direction
But now
It’s said only to echo in my head
Just like your voice
I can hear you calling my name
But now it’s been silenced to my ears
And the remembrance of it just doesn’t sound the same
I miss it

Daddy
I was saying it around you for 21 years of my life
But these last three
They add dense to time with your absence
They feel like a decade
Then they feel like a century
It makes sense to me
You were always there for me when called in presence
You were always there for us
Even if we must forcibly cope with this emptiness
This lack of guidance at times
This lack of acknowledgement and response
It’s only to then become led to the memories
Those of your unlimited knowledge
And your will to make us learn
I miss that

Daddy
So many things no longer daily mentioned
Papa, husband, brother, father
The farther we get from that date
The farther I attempt to get from that hate
Dread for the time pronounced as death
The flesh was no longer willing
It was far too gone
But the invincible spirit of voice lives on
It lives in us all
Even if we can’t hear it
I hope you can
Because I can feel it
Just as I can feel no more pain lives for you
But we will remain for you
Strong
Daddy, I miss saying that
I miss you

7/25/2009

I, Envision

2009-07-22T17:51:00.000-04:00

I envision

I envision random images
Displayed in the gallery that is my mind
Snap shots of a reality that exists outside of this time
Reality that exists in the mind that is mine
I envision

I envision the name TRIGGUS echoing
Broadcasted by a deafening crowd
Bright lights illuminating a dim room
One man
One microphone
And one million adoring fans
I envision

I envision to be relevant and mentioned
Exhaled in the same breath as greatness
Hughes, McKay, Cullen even Keller
To rise from the depths of uncertainty
Certainly would uplift in the position of best seller
To see Barnes & Noble or Borders ship the orders
I envision

I envision these random images
Displaying in the gallery that is my mind
Snap shots of a reality that exists outside of this time
Reality that exists in the mind that is mine
I envision

I envision sights through a glass eye
Framed and distributed from a private collection
Product of flashing bulbs to a backdrop
Motion of life made still
Spilling in color or black and white
Being a conductor of capture
I envision

I envision my art in motion
Creativity flowing by my direction
Moving metaphors
Sequential similes
Visuals by video done abstract or sensibly
Breaking indigo and other optical spectrums
I envision

I envision these random images
Displaying in the gallery that is my mind
Snap shots of a reality that exists outside of this time
Reality that exists in the mind that is mine
I envision

I envision a legacy living through quote
When the mortal soul is called home
The immortal soul breathes from what it once wrote
And on that note
I inhale hope for these visions eventual exit of my mind
And enter to influential state of the waking world
I envision

7/22/2009

Flirting with Me

2009-07-13T18:59:00.005-04:00

I arose this morning waken by the sunrise
Little did I know a surprise was to be included in my day
As today, the laws of attraction were to sway my way
Random interactions that focused attention on me
Attention that for a change I didn't have to pay
But with the pocket change accrued from the previous night
I give you a penny for your thoughts on this social flight

After cleansing and cloaking my temple
I prepare to embark on my simple and routine day
With keys in hand I seal my apartment tight
Then noticeably staring appears my neighbor
Through the corner of my eye using my peripheral sight
I can see her aim and shoot my way her smile
But I'll keep my actions concealed from these unknown circumstances
I bite my lip and continue on in denial of her further advances
Only to freeze my stance as a gorgeous girl leans against my car
She speaks an apology admitting she was running and lost breath
Stroking her perspired thighs she looked me in my eyes
She said I would be a nice image to see before an untimely death
She winked, picked up a jog as I got in my car and left

A short drive and I've arrived to my errand's destination
An outdoor cafe to dine in a controlled isolation
Alone is how I host my most intimate thought sessions
That is until company appeared with her friend
Then on my face appeared a grin
And within moments of stroking my hand
They stroked my mind with deep conversation
One that ended with an invitation to an invitational
Company said she'll be wearing something black and sensational
With a kiss to the cheek she whispered I tasted so sweet
Off she strolled taking one last glance back from down the street

As the night hours set in, I set out
I was on a quest to get out of this day the best moments possible
Implausible seemed to be the thought of first choice
But why question the ways of the world
I long ago lost my innocence so I know what is in store
This is too much of a coincidence to have girls galore
Women in high amounts with me as their fantasy
As this one kissing at me right before the stop light ends
I asked her if she wanted to ride
To my amazement she hops right in
With my new passenger I'm due for arrival
I reach the lounge's location
I'm not a surprise that I give the crowd an eye full

The door woman licks her lips at me and takes me by the hand
She ushers me to a table filled with an entourage of lovely ladies
Extending my arms to the farthest shoulder commences compliments
They begin telling me that my hair is long and beautiful
My eyes are hypnotizing and alluring
My body is chiseled and appealing
My smile is seducing and enticing
And that if they spent a few more moments getting their fill
They would surely be sacrificing to my will
That is until black and sensational entered through the main entrance
From there my attention centered on her and no other hindrance
My arms unwrapped the entourage
Then enclosed around my new found company
She told me she had come for me
As she comfortably leaned in to kiss me I closed my eyes
Only to reopen them to my ceiling
Looking around and seeing my linen and empty bed
Damn

7/13/2009

Li Rendono Ricordare (Make Them Remember)

2009-06-20T19:51:00.002-04:00

I jumped into the shadows
I then dove into the dark and murky waters of selfless worth
I felt that’s where I belonged
With all the decisions I made
I felt that it was my life that I had wronged
I prolonged its elevation and halted its progression
The degradation of my character signified immense trouble
I consciously participated in its crumble into rubble

The feeling bled out spilling onto the near
I knew I had to head out from the self inflicted embarassment
So I excommunicated myself despite my greatest fear
I made myself into an exile
A hermit and I did not permit myself to see the light of day
Nor those that occupied it
Where I once used to fight and pray to never be forgotten
I then welcomed the memory loss with opened arms
Until out rang multiple alarms
They triggered past perceptions
A pariah I didn’t need to be
I remembered
I remembered everything
And so will you

Don’t you dare forget
Don’t you forget everything I once meant
Every lesson I sent
Every ounce of attention I paid
Right down to the very last cent
Don’t forget how I picked up influence and dropped the truth
I didn’t just hint
Don’t you forget that I owned moments in your life
I didn’t simply rent
I was more than just a short lived stint
I’m not allowing you to forget
Not like the last time with my voluntary consent

The personal life needed some tending to
It’s now time for life to begin anew
As the sunlight now rises
It cuts through the foggy terrain
Lord willing is how I pray and close with an amen
I’m going to make you remember
I dare you to forget again

6/20/2009

Introduction

2009-06-07T13:57:00.002-04:00

So there was this girl
She eased in like a summer evening
I was caught in a trance-like daze from afar
The view instantly instructed my jaw to be left ajar
Words developed a shy state
Actions became timid
But the fantasies were quite vivid
They rushed the shores of my mind
Bringing new waves of inspiration to an otherwise uninspired reality
Her innocent eyes twinkled when gazed into
The glow of her moon lit skin illuminated the waters deep within
The flow of emotions soon took over
Open space closed in
Passions arose in the atmosphere
In the air was a careful mixture of finesse and game
We held a chemistry session
We tried to impress before even addressing each name
Then I spoke
Words chosen from the heart specifically
Free verse from the feelings of the moment
To put one in a magnificently well toned place
I then replaced the silence with voice
I spoke
I can not give you the world
But I can make you the center of mine
I can not take you to the stars
But I can make you feel as though you were there
All and more if your introduction you wish to share
And if you care to discover where the two ships set sail
Well, how about you finish that tale?

6/7/2009

After Shocks of an Absent Presence

2009-05-31T13:44:00.001-04:00

It was voluntary for some
It was mandatory for others
Actions taken in fear
Responses generated from the uncontrollable
For when a man feels no control over his destiny
Man feels lost
He will then try and find a handle for any piece of fate he can
Be it in or out of his favor
Be it towards or away from his goal
Just to give him the feeling of some substantial control

For years a man can live in his fears
The scares of being a forgotten memory and lost hope
Until one day he has to cope with the fears nearing reality
He catches whiff of a not so alluring aroma
He sees a fading in their eyes
Making it felt of a feeling that was the beginning of his demise
So he attempts to take fate into his own hands
If he was set to vanish from hearts and minds
He would prematurely excommunicate himself
Cut himself from fate’s binds
He would have some control over the outcome

Though control alone was not the sole purpose
Effortless remembrances provided a service
Yet a commanding blow came from within
Demons of the past flew in the night invading his thoughts
Choices that should not have been chosen ate away
Skeletons in the closet that called his name
Man felt he must tread the journey to redemption alone
Even after being shown strength in numbers
He walked the lonely path

A man at his strongest level of pride
Many times is at his weakest intensity for integrity
Dead is he in the eyes of on lookers
Alive only in active conversation
No longer an after thought afterwards
No longer a prerequisite prior to
No longer an invader to dreams
No longer an accomplice to plans
No
Now just an irrelevant non-factor to once relevant people

The connections were there
Until the connections ran bear
Now a man lives in the after shocks
Remembering past presences that his absence caused to forget
Wishing he approached the choice differently
Wishing he could repair burned bridges
Wishing some cared still of their own accord
Wishing he had shared with those willing to hop aboard
Sail into life as an aid
But it may already be too late because he was too afraid
Because it was made voluntary for some
While it was mandatory for others
The choice that was made created the man’s existence
Life now lived in the after shocks of an absent presence

5/31/2009

I Shall Run No More

2009-05-04T15:41:00.001-04:00

The memories refuse to be forgotten
The images reject being faded
They boast with high resolution
They host ideas that bring me to this conclusion
No more running
I have made a life of sprints
Quick dashes to the finish line
But before the finish is always an exit
Then I edit my life accordingly
I am weary from the all running
I have run more of a distance mentally
Than most would have physically
And just as magic
I have eluded every spectator
They observe me here
Then I disappear when they check later
My biggest fear I purposely pushed into my life

When I look back on the life I have led
I see dust trails from all the running
Beat up sneakers from all the paths that were coming
I ran from the oppression of a paternal parental dictatorship
I ran because of an obsession to be free
I ran from relationship intimacy
Past pain invested the fear of getting hurt into me
I ran when paternity came before maturity
And it is obscure to see that I ran from the lessons put before me
I ran to escape a failure
I ran from companions when I felt I could not meet their standards
I tried to command herds of deception
Grazing in the fields of fiction
But then I ran from those friendships that were left
I felt they would commence viewing me as the failure I saw
I felt inferior so yes I ran and I hid
And I did so with intense dedication

But I now say this loud and clear
I AM TIRED OF RUNNING
And I am tired of hiding
I have wasted too much time and energy doing so
Running to and fro has put a hold on too many goals
The roles I played have placed a heavy weight on my mind
No more running and no more hiding
So if you still wish to seek then I will assist you to find
I shall run no more

5/3/2009

Voices

2009-04-09T11:56:00.002-04:00

I hear voices inside my head
They tell and show me a great deal of things
They are responsible for each destination my life brings
They never scream at me
They do not try to control me
They conversate with and console me
They talk to me

They tell me I can be a man of great worth
Wealth of self is what they preach
That I can reach not only the stars
But also the planets that surround them
They disapprove of the sky being the limit
They say I am limitless
Just as soon as I break free of my timid mess

They talk to me

They constantly question my existence
Why settle when I can meddle with the ways of the world?
My involuntary desire to stand out and not fit in with such persistence
They frequently highlight my resistance to the typical
They display an instance in my head where I could rise as though biblical
As though they can see into the future
They say I could inspire inspiration itself
A muse to a world that is merely getting amused

They talk to me

We have an understanding
That which is comfortable needs discomforting
They talk to me
That which is in power needs overthrowing
They talk to me
That which shines a false light needs darkness to set in
They talk to me

I hear voices inside my head
They tell and show me a great deal of things
They are responsible for each destination my life brings
They never scream at me
They do not try to control me
They conversate with and console me
They talk to me

4/9/2009

I Am Not Him (A New Inspiration)

2009-03-21T19:00:00.001-04:00

I began living in fear
Fear that I had lost the gift he blessed me with
Fear that no longer would words cause my mind to grow stronger
Fear that inspiration had sent in it’s resignation
I chose to live in the fear that I lost the will to write
When the pen was clutched in the appendage to the right
Everything just seemed to come together wrong
I couldn’t see what I used to see
The dots wouldn’t connect
The puzzle pieces wouldn’t fit
The glue wouldn’t stick
The pages wouldn’t turn
That’s when I started to learn
I am not him
I am not the same man that lived in misery
The constant emotional rollercoaster ridden in my history
I’ve dismounted the cart
Distress
Unrest
I can now profess that these no longer constantly plague my heart
Things have changed
Each day gives me less of a reason to hide
I have found a good woman to stand by my side
I have the financial stability to keep me in a forward stride
With trust issues decreasing
I move from leasing my life
To owning my existence
Educating each day by each way I can discover
I thought I lost the inspiration
But it actually found a new direction
Ideas arose from a man being down and out
I got used to that misery
But I can get used to this new man walking this new route

3/21/2009

Army of None

2009-03-16T16:23:00.002-04:00

I cloak myself in fatigues
Lace up my boots
Helmet strapped tight beneath the jaw
Then the retrieval of my rifle
Now prepared for the battle
That'll put me at the frontline
A soldier in the army of none
Fighting in the war for normalcy
But nothing is normal when you see the struggle
A tussle just to remain calm
Because hiding is a brush full of conflict
Shots fired
Shots fired
I'm forced to return fire
Be it against my deepest desire I still must
As the verbal bullets thrust through the barrel
Emptying the chamber
The screeches get increasingly louder from the anger
I do not wish to do this but it is kill or be killed
For I am the target when their pride is the enemy
I am the target when stubbornness is the reinforcement
I am the target when miscommunication is communicated
My defense is the understanding of my side
My defense is compromise
Otherwise get shot down
Otherwise I might lose part of myself that it took years to have found
But by taking a stand in this army of none I question
What am I fighting for?
And why are the people I am fighting for on the opposite side
A successful hit to them is a successful hit to me
I do not want to fight anymore
It eats away when I lay at night in the barracks
The wounds have even made my dreams sore
And the body is immensely weakened from that war
Making me unsure of how to end the unending conflict
Maybe I should just let myself die for them
The only true way to ensure this is completely done
For I feel I am the soldier in an army of none

3/16/2009

"I hate arguing. I hate fussing and fighting, especially with a loved one. If you lose, you lose a part of yourself. If you win, you lose a part of them."

Mute

2009-02-02T00:04:00.000-05:00

Press that button all you like
You will never be able to silence my voice
It is my preferred choice amongst all weapons
It is what I use when hunger beckons
It is what I use when anger beckons
It is what I use when fear of not knowing how to pay this month’s rent beckons
And I do not care how many times it is said
I refuse to stop speaking of watered down school lessons
Educators with no ethics teaching of ethics
Teachers ignorant to the ethnic instructing of prolific past ethnics
While those same ethnics wonder why the hell they are learning
They wonder what in the world could attribute from a nine to five
Especially when the blocks outside can pay more
So long as they can stay alive
Well let us face it
The streets provide a better ride to the top mentally
They override every foot in stride that will reach a goal... eventually
With governors that bribe
And the poor attempts to hide the conversations made consensually
The human race has become the human industry
The created idea of government is now the politics of the enemy
It is going to take an infantry to win the war to put faith back into the everyday person
Because this economy and society is getting worse
And worse than ever before
Yet everyday more bills are found while more jobs are lost
The only idea thought to explore in a way to cut costs
But I implore you to question why the CEO fat cats do not touch their accounts
Odd how those numbers see no pay cuts and have remained close to the same amounts
But it evened out as a nation spoke loud that time has come for a major change
You may be able to ignore me
But you can not ignore that
Nor can I ignore that I am but a simple man
That could easily have placed upon him a ban
Kill my mic
Cut the electricity
Shut down any show I am chosen to perform at
But they will never stifle my performances of the vernacular format
For my voice is my choice of weaponry
My words are the ammunition
And this cause is my passion and I shall never rebuke
So go ahead
Continue your attempts to keep me on mute

2/1/2009

I Forgot I Was a Poet

2009-01-07T01:34:00.001-05:00

Stuck in a traffic jam
Steering wheel neck throttled by each hand
Choking the life out of it
As life stands still for this man
With a tank full of dream coated gasoline
The engine revs
But no direction taken to accelerate
Yet there is every direction to incinerate
Burn the fire of desire that is a blessed curse
Blessed with endless ideas
Cursed with no navigation
Devoid of a firm guidance
I became lost in fantasizing of the end location
I then forgot my path’s origin
Causing me to forget the original destination
Not from conventional hesitation
It was procrastination when other avenues were revealed to me

I forgot the mission assigned
Fell victim to various types of creative distraction
Tools to grow stunted that same growth
Lost traction and found the only action to be spinning wheels
Rubber rubbing in place against the asphalt
With no way to pass fault
I have become a prisoner of my own creative mind
Though I will forever embrace the advances
Chances are that they overwhelmed the thought process
Halting the original progress
The passion for photography
The fervor for filmography
The enthusiasm for entrepreneurship
The love for a legacy
All gave latency to the poetry

By no means am I chastising each gift
It has just become difficult to lift foot from brake pedal
Difficult to hush the voices saying to accomplish so much in so little
Causing this standstill in the lane marked middle
For every time a road is considered
The gear of focus slowly shifts to another
Causing the one to suffer to be the poetry
Placed in the backseat by the grandeurs
Glories that are to be my everlasting stories
Aspiring director and photographer dreams
But they over shadowed the poetry
Dreams of owning business and being a legend
But they too over shadowed the poetry
Goals I intend to complete
Yet I did not intend for them to compete with the original craft
I did not intend to forget the poetry
But now whether written word or typed text
It all assists in the restoral of the memory
A refresh to my energy each time I hit the enter key
I forgot I was a poet
But I remember now

1/5/2009

The Tears from Cupid's Eyes

2008-11-27T09:02:00.000-05:00

Unfair accusations
One sided litigations
Falsely convicted and sent to incarceration
All prompted the creation of a darker meaning
Complications set to the simplest concept

Love

The job of the winged warrior
Armed with bow and arrow
On a mission to narrow the search
A search many believe they can handle
Never realizing many treat it as a trophy
A prize set atop a mantle
Until it tarnishes and loses shine
Such as a flame dwindling on a candle
While many others can dwell on it as an excuse
A logical reason to illogical actions
Responsibility for self made decisions is abolished
The honest truth is hidden in fabricated facts
Lies woven together by love’s evil twin

Lust

Cousin to infatuation
A concept that retracts the emancipation of the imagination
Dead become the fantasies of a job well done
A job that has since fell to the dumb
Ignorant beliefs to the numb confined in their box
Because an open heart can not be catered to by a closed mind
So an open mind will contain a closed heart
This leads to a concept he feared

Insanity

Characteristics of reading the same story
Looking for a different ending
Conducting the same experiment
Expecting results to vary
While in the mind one will carry
One will support the idea it was fault of a feeling
Thus making an innocent concept appear sinister and unappealing
But he is not a criminal
Nor love a crime
But a crime of love is using it to explain unrelated events
This prevents his mission
Yet his mission is why he tries
But it is hard to escape all the slander and lies
So this is why he now cries
The constantly flowing tears from his eyes

11/27/2008

Mundane Meals

2008-11-13T17:06:00.003-05:00

Patience is over saturated from the mundane
The overly well done pain cooked burning the flavor
It’s become hard to chew
It’s become hard to savor the rich juices once present
Now downing the day’s dish simply to complete it
A rush to clear the plate
A crushed hope feels this is fate
Repetitive three course meals
Just going through the motions
This feels wrong by all notions
Notions in the mind triggering notifications
Clarification that this is only as I allow
So why can I not allow more?
Why can I not allow myself to break free?
To dine in Italy
To feast in China
To engorge in Mexico
Or even to pull up a chair in the south of the US
There is no answer to this question
Reason being
There is no longer a question
Only a statement
I will allow myself to break free
I will let my taste buds experience new environments
Let them interact with tasteful sensations
To revive the now mild unwanted creations
I must expand my horizon
There is too much to sink my teeth in
So no longer can I keep in this desire
I need to leave this plain mental tang that is serving me resistance
Return the spicy flavor to this mundane plane of existence

11/13/2008

The Road to Success

2008-11-08T22:50:00.001-05:00

Pride is a bitter taste yet all too familiar
It is swallowed at a moment’s notice
Humility often seen to the humbled
Even when frustrations seem at their closest
It becomes hard to focus
Nay
It is all too well put in focus
Frustrations to the throat choke thus making it hard to breath
Then it becomes even harder to believe
To think success will come to the self-less
All the while
Success is in an overabundance to the selfish
All enough to bring a man to tears
All from the simple fears of knowing what is taking place
The policies
The procedures
The promises
The rules that are frequently highly spoken
The same rules that are frequently and quietly broken
For when you play by the rules
You get played by the rules
These seem the tools to construct success
But I must confess
Victory by that hand would seem less fulfilling
Though frustrations are high
And patience is low
I know I am greater than the current faith bestowed
So maybe I need to take the next exit and take an alternate road

11/8/2008

With My Eyes Closed

2008-09-09T14:37:00.000-04:00

With my eyes closed
I can imagine those clothes you chose to wear
Scattered over there
So I may touch you the right way
As if making love
With my eyes closed
Because I don’t need those visuals
I don’t need to see anything
I just need to feel
So I can reveal real love onto you
And conceal you from the falsified love you’ve been through
All with my eyes closed

With my eyes closed
I get down on bended knee and propose a proposition
Just listen because I froze when I plotted this path
I calculated this math
And I didn’t forget to carry the one
Because I see the one I wish to carry
Over the threshold as the one in which I marry
With my eyes closed
Those ideas rose on how to consume your mind
Be it by moving mountains or scraping skies
To get your thoughts to escape the guys that initiated
Those that generated a wall to block the feelings that you hated
The feeling of love
The feeling of vulnerability
The feeling of trust
I remove the dust you’ve let accumulate on the shelf that holds those feelings
With my eyes closed

With my eyes closed
Each one of those other senses grows
It is like seeing your sounds
It is like tasting your touches
As I use my nose to inhale your fragrance that has me on crutches
Weak from the waist down
Hoping I don’t make you waste a pound of your heart
Because I can see it beat
With my eyes closed
I turn those cons into pros
And true
No one knows where this could take you
All I can do is make you this promise
I will swim the Artic Sea
I will lasso the North Star
All to prove how far I will go to soothe your soul
And I can do it
With my eyes closed

Encounter with a real man
Being your knight in shining armor
Arming your life with genuine love
Feeding every need
Fulfilling every desire
I’m confident I can do that
And by the way
Did I mention I could do it all with one hand behind my back?
And with my eyes closed

6/30/2008

Whispers in the Wind / Writings on the Wall

2008-07-24T19:59:00.001-04:00

When I thought in an instant I had found my soul mate
But then it was instantly over after the first date
I retreated to my solitude
Alone with my feelings of hate

Do not disturb

When I found new employment
But then I found that increased pay decreased my enjoyment
I retreated to my solitude
Alone with my feelings of hate

Do not disturb

When I lost my composure
Towards a life that never gave me any closure
I retreated to my solitude
Alone with my feelings of hate

Do not disturb

See there were these voices calling me
Like a brisk kiss upon my ear
Saying that the pain was stalling me
So to adjust my attitude
I go into my solitude
Escape the proximity of others
Release my pain and frustration to return emotionally nude

The others then ask how I can find drive in such seclusion
I open the door as an allusion to an invite
Then I take my illusion and put it in sight
I ignite the spark that operates my lamp
But it does not shine standard fluorescence
A light colored black displays a glow around the room
Hidden markings as found on an ancient tomb
The writings on the wall
They read

"Hurdles were built to stand in your way
You were built to leap them
Obstacles were built to block goals
You were built to break through them
Will you let them stand in your way?
Or will you do what you were built for?"

Isolation with these words
They speak to me like whispers in the wind
Yet they leave screaming echoes
Dreaming ways to let go of issues causing my mind to bend
Gently stroking the cochlea
Sounding off the motivational lyrics that act as a bandage to mend
They tend to instill the ideas I need
They bleed me of emotional pain and false fairness
They feed the awareness that promises in life are easily broken
This is why I let my actions become spoken
The time for speech has fallen
The era of activity is upon us

Actively putting away the past each time
It can not be relived
Not living in future hopes or wishful thinking
All I will ever have is this moment
So I release and re-own it
And since exposing the unseen sightings
I am now not the only one to make weekly visits
Finding inspiration from the black light writings

7/14/2008

Catatonic

2008-06-18T10:06:00.001-04:00

So lost in thought
So much is seen
Yet not one image in sight
Fishing in the river of the mind for direction
Just praying for a bite
Maybe even a slight nibble
A simple or little hint
But I don’t want to force it
I want it to be done consensually
Maybe it will come together full circle
Maybe eventually

So many personal goals
So many business ventures
Excursions and adventures
These become stifled by censors
While sense pours out constant dreams but leaves me a void
Leaves me annoyed from the current
Stuck trying to become untangled
Stuck in a mangled thought process
Entrapment led by ideas of a release
Now
Being trapped in those thoughts of escape
The great debate
Where am I escaping from?
Where am I escaping to?

Ten minutes in this mind
Seems as ten years in a labyrth
An elaborate scheme it would seem keeps me from getting anywhere
Never knowing when
Never knowing where
Never knowing when I’ll be taken where
Tired from running my fastest race
Yet my feet remain right in place
Whilst the mind runs spirals in a vortex
A black hole
Seen in a blank stare
So much inside that there is no motion out
Stagnant from an overabundance of demands from plans for an atomic fate
Ideas paralyzing the body in a catatonic state

5/28/2008

Urban Legend

2008-05-28T12:02:00.001-04:00

Did you hear the one about the man who became a man before a boy?
Who as coy as it may seem had a dream like a king to make things be more than the typically seen
The ways that would demean, degrade and deconstruct life long builds
And those who would weaken the infrastructure until a strong mind buckled under the pressure You see he wanted to treasure friendships and measure kinships
He wanted to stretch them a distance no modern method of calculation could tally
To allow the masses to overpopulate the asylum that caged their freedom of thought until it exploded
But instead it would rally frustration that freedom may have been sought but freedom was not caught
The idea imploded spiraling him into exasperation attempting to break the “thinking inside the box” tactic
It was tragic that at this point the man has had it with all the added subtraction of moral well being
While being the man made him feel in the right it was in the light he became blinded
He was blind sided by a bitterness that obscured his innocence and in a sense put him on track with all others
Vocals slurred partnered with a vision blurred further detoured hopes of eminence
So the man reversed evolution and become a boy
A scared little boy

But did you hear the one about the boy who had more power than a grown man?
That with a quick slight of hand could demand the manipulation of the mind as an illusionist
Sights were seen that were a distorted vision
Feelings were felt that were beyond recognition escaping the third dimension comprehended by the frontal lobe
Until abracadabra self esteem would explode in a self centered and self anointed personality
He become the personification of a simply analogy of a snake in the grass
He would use his love of poetry to make love to anyone near that could lend and ear to hear
Seducing the mind putting it in a trance with teasing ideas of pure romance
Stripping the pants that covered the entry to the deepest and most untouchable regions of the brain
Stroking it back and forth until a climax was reached releasing a retreating orgasm down the spine
The crime convicted of was that it took place with over a dozen females at a time
But it couldn’t be a true crime if not caught as this now become the freedom his depraved mind sought
But caught was he as he was convicted and faced a jury staffed of his peers
Struck subliminally fulfilling the fears that a conscience would catch up and topple him
A scared little boy saw the error in his way

Then did you hear the one about the soul that vanished from plain sight?
He disappeared from those he feared he had broken a vow to remain tight
So to regain his pure sight he had to bring an abrupt stop to his corrupt friendships
Necessary it became to relinquish feelings that had or would disrupt or obstruct his mission
And that was simply to better life as a whole that exposure lost him but became regained by his composure
The purposes chose were to grant services closer to the heart but continue being to the imagination just a figment
He adapted a shadow’s pigment and knew it was meant to be to remain at a distant
Developing the ability to impact people’s lives and open people’s eyes based solely on his word
Capable of touching the body without the physical being visible just by what’s heard
Always found were things written not things being written as evidence of his life
The only proofs of his existence are images in digital formatting being picture or video
Interacting interactively only through means based on technology
But to acknowledge he is just going with the flow or has it all planned out is indistinguishable
Because how can it be that he can release his life yet extract excerpts from others?
And he has never even met them
How can it be that he builds a connection just from feelings of the past?
How can it be that he gives a presence without being seen or present?
Makes you question if he is even real
So did you hear the one about the guy who existed outside of existence?
The guy scourged by hell but blessed by the heavens?
You know what?
He just sounds like another one of those Urban Legends

5/14/2008

On Paper

2008-04-30T11:39:00.000-04:00

Jotting down all wonderous qualities
They outlined her magnificence
Creating a plan that her significance in his life is a necessity
And it would be best for he if she and he
Were to become a bless’ed we

Characteristics seemingly flawless
Pro’s out weighing the cons
Yet it never dawns that this is just on paper
But with such a poious character
It can not be dreamt that later he could see himself hate her

Her beauty only outshined by the sun in the sky
Her personality playful in nature
How she can cater to a playful environment then in the blink of an eye
She can maintain emotional sensitivity
Mental connectivity and being affectionate so caringly
And displays initiative to attempt new ventures so daringly

Independent yet able to depend
Strong in will and able to defend
Contains the ability to stand on her own two feet and defeat any obstruction
Highly goal oriented
It just creates goose bumps on the skin
Knowing the depth of the character that rest within

However

When put into implementation
The outline seems off
The blueprint fades into shades of grey
Devotion is not seen
Communication is lost
A wondrous engagement becomes a dangerous attachment
As the plan of two connecting hearts was snatched and went else where
Reality sets in
The reality that the basis of judgment was slightly off
Her angelic essence to him turned despicably ugly
That initial beauty disappeared as vapor
Now that he realizes she only looked good on paper

4/30/2008

To Observe and Neglect

2008-04-25T19:33:00.000-04:00

Serve and protect
A laughable theory
Since here we stand in a land
That was robbed when man set food on the sand
Now ran by the empowered
Making the average man become the devoured
Watch as he cowered from the flashing blue
But man can never admit to being a coward
Pride won’t let that be something possible to do
But it’s possible to screw, twist and turn
Every single law we were forced to learn
That others took a course to enforce ever so stern
But let it ever so burn like hot lead
Blown like a kiss from cold steel into an innocent bystandard
And by standard practice
Get yourself a high paid practice
Then watch as not guilty is the destiny
But blessed is he that had a badge mounted on his chest
An impervial crest
This states the dominance over everything less than a mayor
But may your day be a good one
As the protectors break laws just for fun
No limitations to a speed limit
Just intimidation to the timid
Intimidating someone there for your well being
Who fell seeing a statement of "assume the position"
Just because it was he whom fit the description
Just think about it
Do you see your local law enforcement active in the community?
Or do you see them actively sitting atop their high horses?
Nitrous filled stallions painted shades of blue and white
Thinking they are above the law they enforce
Thinking they are high and mighty
Not all but enough to have you worried nightly
And might we agree that this has found the side of society
At least I know it has mine
It has stuck a thorn with me that corrupt authority
Will protect and be protected by a corrupt system
This is why I reserve the right to correct
That the theory of "to serve and protect"
It’s become updated to the degrated
To observe and neglect

4/25/2008

Indescribable

2008-03-13T20:51:00.001-04:00

Everything that seemed so clear
Now seems so bleak
Now oblique is everything once unique
And you’d think clarity was needed
But it’s not
For at the same time
I see everything as clear as night and day
But it seems what I fear
The only thing worse than no answers to questions
Is multiple answers to the same questions
They now jumble the jungle that is my mind

I don’t know
Have you ever had so much running through your head
Yet you still draw a blank?
There is no ration of thought in the memory bank
Yet rational thought disappears into the abyss as the memory sank
Accomplishments seem soured
They’ve become devoured by doubt
By the second thought
The dreaded second thought
Seeing things that initially weren’t there
Seeing things that aren’t there
Wanting to see things that aren’t there be there
I don’t know
I don’t get it

A mirage maybe?
Are my thoughts mirages?
Is my imagination itself a figment of my imagination?
So many questions
And even more answers
None of which shush the banter in my mind
The clouded sky that looks as though brewing a storm of some kind
But even Ben Franklin had a bright idea from that
So why has my storm created a mess?
A mesh of mild stones creating a fantasy of accomplishment

I feel like I’m missing something
Before, I was so sure
Then things got jumbled
Then I thought more towards a cure
But my once clear focus crumbled
Now everything is a complete mess
Everything is a complete mesh

By the art of love
The art of labor
I feel a renaissance hope
I feel destined for something great
As though foretold or written in fate
But I cannot deny my trait
I seem to always figure things out too late
And I figure if that happens this time
Bad things will happen and I will miss a wonderful opportunity
But I don’t know what I’m feeling
Because is what I feel real?
Is what I’m told felt to me real?
And I don’t know what I’m seeing
Am I seeing an accomplishment?
I feel the urge to push yet pull
An empty feeling that seems so full
This is all
Indescribable

3/11/2008

I Hear Everything You Don't Say

2008-03-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

Everything said is a dream come true
The sun shines bright when the soft sound of your voice like the wind blows through
And who knows who would have seen this coming
I know I didn’t

I hear everything you say
When you’re calm and whispering
Or when you’re anger is blistering and trying to yell
I heard it all loud and clear
But there is a mystery
That I’ve deciphered in my history
I learned to hear everything you’re not saying as well

I can sense the statements hesitated
I can hear the short breath taken
I can almost see eyes become dilated
Reading between the lines is how I’ve been educated
Fixated on truths that aren’t shared
Listening to non-verbal speech
That someone might miss as the hearing impaired

You began fearing the aired rising from what you’ve suppressed
In admittance
I’m impressed the effort put forth
The hidden truths locked in the bodily portion up north
Not to say for scheming or demeaning purposes
But the words not spoken that don’t reach your surfaces
Create barriers I have to break through
And sometimes it just takes too much to endure
When all I desire is a chance with openness

I’ve been told I think too much
And that I think too much of my past
But it’s hard when a past path has given some of the greatest education I have
I was taught how to pay attention
And I pay attention to everything you think I don’t
Because the things you say tell a story of what you think
But the things you don’t say tell a story of how you think
It makes it hard to trust
And trust is something that won’t sway
But trust me as I state
I hear everything you don’t say

3/4/2008

The Anger Within (Revival of Rated R)

2008-02-19T15:18:00.001-05:00

The anger within has been released
Because the levels of disappointment
As well as the levels of neglect and abandonment have increased
Nourishment for appreciation has been famished
While betrayal has become obese
Creating inside of me
A beast

To every last person that said it was my impression
My mentality
My creativity
My quality they got stuck to
This is how I tell each and every last one of you
FUCK YOU
Because you snuck through my protective wall
My barrier that ensures I do not fall prey to people like you
You will feel my pain
As well as my anger
That I promise you
Because I am tired of making friends that will sooner or later desert me
Stop responding for no fucking reason
See that shit actually hurts me

So what I am going to do is call out each and everyone of you
All you motherfuckers that are the cause of why my temper blew
Like the one when she said she loved me with all her heart
Wait
There actually were quite a few
Like the one that said she could picture us married
Wait
There were a number of others saying they could see an “I do”
Like the one that said she wanted to try again one day down the road
Wait
She never did follow through
Like the one when she said she wanted to share a child
Wait
There were a couple of those too
Are you starting to see the pattern here?
Because I know “I do”

I am just so tired of being ignored
And I am tired of people saying these actions I take are going overboard
Because I have become so bored with the same shit
Show me a difference in events
I am begging you to name it
For each result
I dare you to blame it
Pin all fault to bad timing
Bad circumstances
Bullshit
Your feelings were genuine
Fuck that
Accept the sin you're in
For thou has killed my trusting and open heart
So I have no remorse to hate you
Or block the anger or hatred that pours
Because you said “fuck it” to cherishing my presence
So I am saying FUCK IT to yours

2/10/2008

I Walk Alone

2008-02-18T00:11:00.001-05:00

Something has come over me
A replenished supply of energy
It would appear anger management has failed
The lack of support caused it to become derailed
Knocked from the tracks that kept me on a forward scale
But now I trail behind
Allowing my positive nature to leave me
With only my aggression left to feed me
Like it is a profession to bleed me
Drain me dry of all hope
The dream that I can be accepted and appreciated
That I can be held dear
They have all betrayed me is the seed he plants in my ear
As the reality has been distorted as a kaleidoscope
Blurring so as to hide the hope
Hide that dream that I will mean something
To someone

But fuck a sob story
He shows that I was robbed and robbed poorly
Stripped of my good nature
Stripped of my Gentleman persona
I tried to be happy
That wasn’t allowed
I tried to be passive
That wasn’t allowed
So let the asshole overcrowd
Let him course through the veins
Flooding the lifeless remains
The dead carcass of the once Gentleman
Since they have killed him
But he will be avenged

He let me know
Sometimes you have to experience things
Sometimes you have to see things for yourself
Sometimes you have to hear things out
To clear them out
You have to experience people turning their backs
You have to see people ignore your feelings
You have to hear your words fall on deaf ears
To clear out the fact that death nears
Dying is the once strong connection I thought I could use
Sadly
It was all a ruse
But I found out what I needed to know
I saw what I needed to see

I’m begging someone to come and challenge me
To be the first casualty in my war path
As you see
He consumes me with more wrath
Given that this lonely route that leads me the loner
It is my Aquarian nature
To walk alone
Given my recent and distant past
It is the only direction I’ve seen shown
As you’ve made this your own leaving my good nature with a horrible scar
The only advice is to prepare or clear out very far
For you have brought about the revival of that damn asshole
Rated R

2/7/2008

Dead and Buried (Like Any Other Day)

2008-01-30T23:49:00.000-05:00

For the last 23 years it has never changed
Falling on the exact same date
Of the exact same month
No sooner or late
Negligence of it’s significance now fuels my hate
I knew I was going to be angry
But did not know I would be this pissed off
As I can list off all the dates that I used to carry
That were very important to me because a simple acknowledgment
I knew would aid in you all feeling merry
But if this is how you style yourselves as a friend
Then you can take that friendship, dig a hole and bury

Yes, I removed its mention from Facebook
Yes, I removed its mention from Myspace
So you all would prove guilty to my case
That you don’t care now
And you didn’t care then
So you won’t see me care to share the celebration of my life with a bull shit friend
You don’t deserve the privilege to acknowledge it
Just as I don’t deserve a bull shit statement
From you asking how this date went
And you can take hint
I never expected it or any of them to be an exclusive celebration
But this year has caused it to become an abrasion
Bleeding out my heart the anger that was caged in
Because I’m not bottling it up anymore
I can only imagine what anger will be felt on year marked 24

At separate times
Each of you were determined to make me believe you cared for me
But I guess that was just at that time
So I’m not going to allow you to ever again make the fool of me
No longer will I participate in this tom-foolery
I was more than willing to admit my error
Being the bad news bearer bearing a burden of an unfortunate turn of events
That even though a while ago
It hid the man I know
And the man you knew as a good friend
But I tried to make that amend
I tried to restore those connections
But I’m done trying to tie knots
Where you’ve cut the strings on our friendly projections
You want those friendships to become dead and buried
Fine
Allow me to provide you a shovel so you can commence the digging
Pick out a tombstone as well and I’m not kidding
Filling this grave will be our friendship
Because you decided to take that another way
Thank you so very much
For making this fell just like any other day

1/30/2008

A Well Planned Coincidence

2008-01-22T18:49:00.000-05:00

It’s the expectation to believe in words that drains me
Then the devastation of disappointment from empty emotions
That claims me
As you claimed we could have something special
But I knew better
Even though deep inside I wondered to myself if I should let her
I wondered if I should give her the opportunity
To let her life get in tune with me
Even though I knew the events that would soon be

From out of the clear blue
You disrupt the clear view my heart sees
As though parting the seas that were my wall of protection
You crossed the oceans that led to my emotions
Promoting with such strong will the feelings you had for me
Constantly expressing the depth in which you care so passionately
And how you admirably admire my personality
This type of desire and honesty from a woman is foreign to me

Though it’s ironic
The words that left your lips into thin air
You share that destination
As you then disappear into thin air
Leaving me to wonder
What in the hell just happened?
How you tapped into my mind
And broke into my heart
Just when I was beginning to think of giving this a start
I see the promotions once given to me advertised with and binding to another
Not a happy twist
But it helped me remove your blinding cover

Then once again out of the clear blue
I hear you
Someone I thought I left in my rearview
Once again bringing promotions my way
Saying your emotions belong my way
It’s ironic
How you shift your plates like tectonic
Creating a near sonic boom that only increases my hurt rate
Positively then negatively rumbling my emotions like an earthquake
But I’m tired of holding hate in my heart
So I remain cordial to you
Even though you don’t deserve it

Then slowly but surely you lay it on thick
Trying to pick up as though nothing left
But I’m well aware of that trick
And even though I can see it in my conscious state
I can’t control the feelings that will create
Illusions
Mirages
Fantasies
Things I won’t admit to you or myself
But that infect me as I rest in my bed with my black satin pillow cushioning my head
Yes, I start to reconsider it
Then you recycle tactics so inconsiderate
As I start to let you back in trying to play fair
You disappear only to be found promoting emotions once again else where

Very ironic
Every time you find yourself sadden or alone
I seem like a step up from the rest
But enter a fresh face
I seem like a step down
As you step away with this twist of events
Repetitive in nature that only prevents me from trusting
But identical events can’t be a coincidence
And the participants adding to this sequence will never drop the score on
The creation of this oxymoron
Very ironic

1/22/2008

Burden

2007-12-23T20:35:00.000-05:00

The weight of a thousand pounds
Rest upon each shoulder
Thoughts invade the mind
Creating actions of a heart you might find colder
Words spoken with a tone bolder
More direct than ever before
Something you might construe for disrespect
Far from what is true
So light is what I interject
Illuminate a path I try to conceal
Because I was struck with a breaking ordeal
Unequipped with how to handle it
So I took my reputation
And I would dismantle it
Everything that was known
Everything that was shown
I revoked it
Then provoked it to all change
Everything you once knew ceased to exist
The battle for acceptance I would cease and desist
It took every ounce of will
Every piece to resist
Being the man they loved but a couple years ago
To unwittingly close an open heart when I wanted to insist
My burdens I carry have caused what you see
Well
The lack there of what you used to see
The connections that used to be
Are now usually
Kept inside
Was not my desire to do this
To falsify what I held the truest
Connections to those even if showed fake care
Because my secrets are not their burdens to bear
They are the burdens I created on my own
So because of those same burdens I’ve excommunicated myself
To take each stride now alone

12/20/2007

Time Frame

2007-12-18T21:59:00.000-05:00

In such a short time frame
So many times change
I can reminisce back to the past tense
When kinships used to make sense
Each occurring instance filled me with joy
To know that someone really cherished my presence
I relished in this
To know someone couldn’t wait to get out of class
To talk to me
To know someone couldn’t wait to get off of work
To talk to me
Sometimes during those hours
Those time frames were ours
Anticipation devours patience
Because they just as I couldn’t wait to conversate

In amazement with each occurrence
They would proceed for months long
The bond felt so strong
Impatiently waiting for the next text message
Instant message
Or phone call
But slowly I’d watch the tone fall
Days where appointments were scheduled around me
Soon became days where appointments surround me
Daily engagements turned into every other
Dissipating the flooding of interactions that used to smoother
But smoother in a good way
Then came conversations whenever I could get fit in
Then
Just whenever they got that bored
I don’t know what brought forth this new accord
Because now
They don’t even get that bored

I understand that when my father died
I purposely made myself secluded
I eluded friendships
So does this conclude the conclusion?
Or is it a delusion brought by a contusion in the head
That it’s my fault all my once close friendships are dead
Their days out of months used to not be completed without me
But now they’ve gone months completely without me
Can hands be that tied that they’ve completely forgot about me?
As each at their given time frame was more than just a friendship to clutch
They were a confidant that I appreciated their presence that much
The touch that at each point only each could do
But out of six years and six dozen lady friends
Three exceptions are made as only three remain true

Maybe it’s not flattering to total them all up
But I’m not shy mentioning I’d say this face to face
I just have to show the severity of this case
And the constant repetition that’s constantly taking place
How each has been able to quickly replace my influence in their lives
Looking back in my past
I see few remnants of any in my present
This makes me wonder onto my future
Which parts of my present will take traits of my past’s shame?
Entities and occurrences that will get lost in a short time frame

12/18/2007

Thank You

2007-11-28T18:41:00.000-05:00

Despite this sarcastic attitude
I’d like to send out my gratitude
To those that chose to assist with the raising of my aptitude
Expanding my horizon
Both longitude and latitude
From the bottom of my heart, thank you
Thank you for making me slump over until stought
For each doubt until my well of self worth went on a drought
And was forced to take an alternate route
To quench the thirst of acceptance
Thank you
For rejecting me before giving me the occasion
To relieve an artery’s abrasion
But giving me persuasion
Giving me the perception
That a possible life together
Is a likely conception
But thank you for that deception
That rejection before a connection is started
Dearly departed to the chance you were never giving
For me to create for you a love life worth living
Now I’ve become aware
That what you’ve notated that you wanted
Is the furthest thing from what you’ve actually hunted
After you claiming desires of being close and intimate
All liars
So to witness my heartbreak and pain
I won’t give you that benefit
But I will give you this thank you
To everyone else that based judgment on what’s shown
Not what’s known
Because you never took the time to get to know
Now your opinion is edged in stone
As I became prone to the image of a drone trapped in a work zone
Never allowed to promote my soul
Always silenced by their authority’s mute button on the remote control
Too low to demote
And you’re too cold to console
But thank you
For never truly believing in me
And inconceivable depleting me of my innocent views
No longer using sentiment to choose
A different path is chosen
So thank you
For trying to keep my mouth closed
But my eyes
My ears
My mind wide open
To a world so cold and frozen
Trapped
Contained in a block of ice
Because they are too scared to take life’s game setting off novice
Thank you
For every chance that you blew
For every doubt that you threw
Because who you actually doubt is you
Don’t believe you can complete the accomplishments I’m trying to
And I’m dying to show my appreciation
So here goes
Thank you for helping me to write over 400 poems
Thank you for fueling me to write a near 300 page book of poetry
And a soon to be second one
Ladies thanks for leaving me at the drop of a dime for another
Because it was from my heart you were beckoned from
Thank you society for forcing me to get on stage and perform my craft
Release my rage and blindfold and an early age from a world that gave me the shaft
Thank you for showing me education goes far beyond the classroom
Intelligently springing to life before you see a summer flower’s last bloom
For making me the ass as you would assume I wouldn’t be that successful
And ride down a similar road you find stressful
Thank you for pushing me to get my place
Thank you for pushing me to get my ride
Thank you for pushing me to use my face
To use my voice and rejoice that I’m not piggy backing off something that already is
I’m creating something from something that wasn’t
Thank you for showing me that being all alone
Both mentally and physically
Will only strengthen me to declare my throne
The ladies and friends
The employers and kins
The teachers and preachers
Even while I was warming the bench
The fans cheering in the bleachers
Thank you
For if I was never exposed to you
I might have become one of you
So if in your eyes I grew up to screw up
Then watch me screw up all the way to the top
Now I realize you weren’t necessarily the blessing to me
I was a blessing to you
So with the least bit of sincerity in my heart
THANK YOU!

11/20/2007

The Assassination of Cupid

2007-09-16T20:34:00.000-04:00

My patience has been tried and I didn’t want to exhaust it
But now
I’m so damn exhausted
He saw that thin line and he crossed it
Now my happiness
He’s cost it
Tossed it right into the garbage
That damn midget cupid
Got me looking so stupid
Darkened my outlook that used to be lucid
As “you hid from me my heart’s desire” is what I told him
“Keep fucking with me and I’ll burn you in my anger’s fire”
To ashes is how I’d mold him
Or head submerged in water is how I’ll hold him
My hopes
My prayers
My dreams and heart were what I sold him
How bold of him to accept
But turn around and neglect
The one thing that I bring for him to protect
The song of love that I sing
As to my heart it would cling in hopes of happiness to project
I politely asked him to correct his mistake many times
In hopes I might see him connect this fate and abolish crimes
But hanging from ropes so tightly is how they collect causing me to create these rhymes
Swinging back in forth from the noose
Life being choked out of my feelings
All I can do is hope they swing loose
So many times I’ve pleaded with cupid for a truce
But all I’m left with is my anger and bitterness to give me a boost
Damn it
I told that fucker don’t bring me anymore bullshit
His ass didn’t want to listen
I told him ignore me once more
And I was going to put an arrow between his wings and I wasn’t missing
Constantly shitting on me
Then leaving me high and dry without even a pot to piss in
But that’s ok that he wanted to leave me off track
And be the reason my heart turned black
I told him I had an arrow with his name on it
And I told him it was aimed straight at his back
But he just didn’t want to listen

8/13/2007

Admit It (No More Sympathy)

2007-08-05T14:46:00.000-04:00

I used to sympathize this
But now I must empathize this is ridiculous
How you can be so meticulous with an outfit
But when it comes to an outlet for your love
You cover that plug
Have you been prescribed some kind of sedative drug?
I mean like OH MY GOD
Are you like some kind of air head?
Do you think he’s thinking of you while he’s in their bed?
There is only one explanation and I need you to admit it
You are in love with getting hurt
You get aroused when your feelings get dragged through the dirt
Through that gook and grime
Time after time
And let me rewind so I can remind you
That you have no clue how to have a relationship be stable
You’re not able to hold a non-confrontational love
Pursuit of happiness a seemingly inalienable right
But you waive that so you can remain capable to fight
You don’t know how to be in a relationship without the drama
You don’t know how to be his baby without the mama
Just admit it
Anything less just bores you
As you boar through calm male relationship after relationship
In search for your next drama fix
And then you have the nerve to say
“He’s always out running around with them tricks”
If it’s not one thing, it’s another
So why are you with him?
“Because I love him”
Good, well then you love being hurt
“No, I’m tired of being hurt”
Well then why are you with him?
“Because I love him”
Then you love being hurt
And before its one more word you blurt, this argument you can’t win
Because no one is forcing upon you this situation you’re in
Think of all the men you’ve met that were polite and agreeable
You dismissed them
And despite the inconceivable nature of a heartbreaker
You welcome and protect them
Love is the wrong key to your heart
Pain is the only thing that’d fit it
You love getting hurt
So just admit it

7/5/2007

*I posted this at another location and this is the note I attached to it*

{Author's Note: (First off, this poem is directed at no particular person, I just figured giving it the personal "you" would give it more of an affect) I'm so sorry but I'm so tired of reading, seeing, and/or hearing about a female's ongoing and never ending emotional rollercoaster from their significant other. If your man is upsetting you way too much, then why is he still your man? Because of the time and effort you put in? Because you can't find anyone better? Because you love him? All excuses just to remain and get hurt. All excuses to protect him. Because unless he has a gun to your head there is no where that states you have to stay and put up with that. You'd rather be with someone and be hurt than hurt being alone. Having a lot of female influences in my life, I love females every which way so I can't stand to watch one cry in pain. However, I'm running out of sympathy for those that chose to continue to hurt themselves. I hate to be mean but just admit it, you love being hurt.}

Decisions

2007-07-14T11:15:00.000-04:00

Two years ago I came face to face with a big decision
Life had gotten so hectic
Sources of stress were various and eclectic
1000w of electric current shocking each situation
Unbearable thoughts racing through the mind
It was only a matter of time
Maybe develop a thirst for the pharmaceutical until an empty bottle
Or arrange a diner date with a bullet
To yearn for the intimate touch of a razor blade
Or maybe a massage by a rope on the neck
All answers to a life that did nothing but wreck
Until
Next on deck was a sign
I was next to check and adjust the problems to which I was assigned
That this life of mine just was not through
Obstacles could be hurdled
Mistakes could be corrected
There was much left to do
The road of destiny was in close range
And the next exit was to be positive change

Well
I’ve been traveling down this road for some time now
Nothing seems any different
I continue to hurt others and hurt myself
Each slip
Stumble
Trip
Fumble back into a slight depression just weakens my health
So I’ve started getting the sneaky suspicion
Maybe two years ago
Maybe I made the wrong decision

7/14/2007

Can't Just Come Out and Say It

2007-07-08T16:06:00.000-04:00

Every time I go to work I’m caught in your beauty
And I feel it’s my civic duty
To let you know how truly
You make my heart go bananas as my mind goes fruity

But alas I know it’s not that simple
I can’t just speak on how you have such a cute dimple
I have to do something to captivate the mental
Go to such depths as to build a shrine to your temple

You have a Goddess like presence
So I have to be a God in every essence
Styled up to meet your preference
So by my company I can always grant your pleasance

After all, I can’t just go into battle without a plan of attack
Arming myself with lines of love from off the gun rack
Trenching through the wilderness of the unknown leaving bread crumbs if I have to back track
To find the code to the safe of your heart so one day I crack that

When you speak to me I just wish to entice
Provide the company that will more than suffice
Execute wording in a way that’s precise
So the usual way you think of me will make you think twice

This is why I go home and practice my game’s dribble
So when I take a shot on the court of your heart it’ll
Be a swish as I hope not to miss because my aim is a tad brittle
I pray to at least hit your rim of acknowledgement even if only a little

See I do all these things to excite you
So hopefully feelings for me are the feelings that strike you
Because truth is, I don’t think it will be enough to just come out and say
Hey, I like you

6/30/2007

Starvation

2007-06-30T16:55:00.001-04:00

Eyes open to darkness in the middle of the night
Glancing over at the clock
It’s 3:02
The same scenario each night he’ll go through
As he’ll feel a rumble in his stomach
Then he’ll fumble trying to numb it
But he eventually will just stumble through the darkness
Looking for his slippers
He goes into the kitchen in search of nourishment
To find something to give his stomach and flourish it
Hoping for something to settle his stomach
He opens the door and what does he find?
A world too cheap to pay him any mind
A world too blind to see the value of his kind
To recognize the pure talent, the skill
The ability of his capability to think realistic and to not distill
To not water down the thoughts of the world
To tell it like it is
Because a true artist has been the title of his
The rumble gets worse as he is still starving for that meal
And he does not wish to give the feel that he is discrediting his fans through the pc
But you see he knows that is a world only present upon his log on
Once he logs off
That world is gone
Still staring inside he wonders
How long until the world sees the mark he’s carving?
He closes the fridge because there is nothing in there
So this artist is still starving

5/18/2007

A Big Misunderstanding

2007-06-30T16:50:00.000-04:00

This has got to be a misunderstanding
You come to me demanding my advice
And commanding that I entice
While expanding my outlook until it will suffice
And then you ignore it
This has got to be a misunderstanding

This has got to be a misunderstanding
In times of pain
You come to me and ask my opinion
And then when I give it to you
You do the complete opposite
And many times I’ll stop to get
To makes sense of your actions
But that splits my mind into fractions
Because you’ll go right back to getting hurt again
Then you’ll come right back to put me on alert again
That you need advice, but where were we to begin?
We were at square one
Back to where you dare run
Away from the responsibility of changes for the best
You’ll just sit and hope for the best
Ignoring all the rest of the words I’ve said
Where I thought you had come to me for help
So this has got to be a misunderstanding

This has got to be a misunderstanding
Because I look deep into my minds regions
To assemble legions of good options that you can choose
And not to my surprise
Not one of them you’ll use
As it’s more and more of your will you lose
Taking emotional abuse
Because it was my opinions you refuse
I mean damn, do you like getting hurt?
Maybe you just come to me to take off the edge
I substituted for an alcoholic wedge
As I instituted to your heart a loyalty pledge
Because I promised to always be there
And see there is the problem
Why am I always the one there to put back the pieces he’ll break?
You come to me when you’re hurt like I’m a fix drug
Then when you’re better you brush me off like a bug
Then when he hurts you again
You’re back to me looking for a hug
Looks like I’m here to just ease your hell
Where I thought I was here to guarantee from heaven you never fell
But I guess this was a misunderstanding

I seriously just don’t get it
You come to me to fix you
You go to him to break you
You come back to me to fix you
You go back to him to break you
Don’t you think it’s logical to be with someone that’s helping more than hurting?
The one who is sincere as opposed to just flirting?
And if I turn my back you get mad
So I do my part to make you glad
And watch as you don’t listen and return sad
And even if you had, just a tad listened to the words said
Tears wouldn’t soak the pillow on your bed
Because no one is holding a gun to your head
You don’t have to take that
You just choose to
And I thought you’d choose a happy road that was less demanding
But I guess all of this was just one big misunderstanding

6/5/2007

Poker Face (What You See)

2007-06-19T15:15:00.000-04:00

I’m tired of showing off my body for attention
Don’t even want to mention
That I’m tired of showcasing my poetry so my feelings will get expressed
Just so I can fight being depressed
To ward off the feelings that stressed me to the limit
I bet you never even guessed that I’m timid
I don’t walk around with my shirt off
I actually stay very covered
And I don’t talk about what’s on my mind
Or the dark cloud over my head that hovered
I only show off my face, body and poetry
So hopefully someone will notice me
And for a moment I won’t feel so damn lonely
To only the company of me, myself and I
And you may think, "but you so sexy T"
And that I may have so many girls that wish to get next to me
But I don’t
Whether I’m walking or driving, I’m always by myself
It gets depressing as hell
Because I can’t let it tell that I want to yell to the heavens
Why do I have to be so lonely?
Steady trying to find comfort through a computer screen
Validation through hopes that someone will know what I mean
And every pain that I’ve seen
Every hurt that I’ve felt hasn’t been all a waste
But yet to have someone by my side, face to face
Someone to really listen and talk with me
Someone to hang in there and take a walk with me
It’s been something I’ve chased for years now
But here’s how I have to approach it
I have to hold my poker face and never show my card
No matter how hard it gets to keep up my wall of guard
To have looks and skills as my reference
I’d trade it away just so I could have a loyal companion
But that’s just my preference

5/4/2007

My Apologies

2007-06-07T08:03:00.000-04:00

I’m sorry
I didn’t mean for this to be
Let alone for you to see
For your eyes to view something for which they weren’t prepared
I’m caught up
Now you have to have your emotions surgically repaired
I guess next time you’ll have to be a little more careful who you choose
So as it’s you I lose, I guess I’ll start apologizing

I’m sorry I wasn’t always lying to you
I’m sorry I wasn’t always cheating on you
I’m sorry I always made time for you
I’m sorry all that was on my mind was you
I’m sorry I didn’t hide you from the public like a secret
Publicizing my feelings is now something I regret
I’m sorry I paid your attention and chose not to ignore
I’m sorry my heart was too big for, too much for you to hold
I’m sorry I didn’t walk out time and time again
Leaving you alone in the cold
And I’m sorry I told you I love you so many times
I’m sorry I actually would sit down and listen
I’m sorry that when you would hang up the phone it’s me who’s wishin’
Wishing that you wouldn’t hang up the phone and the conversation would last
Because when you do, it’s me who’s missin’
Missing you and you missing from my life
I’m sorry I even pictured you as my wife
I’m sorry I still think about you as I write each word and each letter
I’m sorry it was you who made me smile
You who made me better

I’m sorry I couldn’t be like other guys
I’m sorry I wasn’t deceitful, negligent or belligerent
I’m sorry I was born different
I’m sorry that trying something more made you afraid
I’m sorry I’m not like so many others you’ve known
Because maybe then you would have stayed

5/3/2007

Listen Bruh

2007-06-07T08:00:00.000-04:00

Why must you lie to her?
Why can’t you provide for her?
To give her the emotions she so rightfully deserves
To serve and preserve a love she adores
Instead of trying to curve her life around yours
Leaving her lonely as you’re out with little whores
All she wants is your full attention
All she wants is your consistent affection
And not to be treated like an simple infection
You chose to be with her
Well show her respect then
She’s given everything to you
Her body, spirit, mind and heart
She’s even taken half of your life and half of hers
Just so a new life can start
And if it hasn’t gotten real for you yet
You have around 4 months left before it does
That’s a bet
You need to think and appreciate dude
Because she’s doesn’t deserve your attitude
Homie I don’t know you
And honestly, I don’t want to
But I do know her
And the reason this makes me so mad
Is because you got what I once had
So you need to start treating my first love right

5/8/2007

Let's Play House

2007-05-21T14:58:00.000-04:00

These days in many ways
Couples too soon like to play house
They like to pretend each is the other’s spouse
After only a few weeks claiming an unofficial marriage
That is until a baby is in the carriage
Because they think it’s cute
They think it’s cute to call each other hubby and wifey
Feeling so certain in their heads thinking
"This person must really like me"
Because it’s likely he’ll put a mall bought ring on her finger
And she’ll stop and linger
Looking at the symbol that’s supposed to mean one day they’ll be together forever
However
They never thought that this was just the period of honeymoon
And pretty soon the fire will die
And the two will desire to lie
That they weren’t moving to fast, it just ended too early
They try to keep it as it was in childhood years
The game of playing house they’ll play
Until they’d get bored and go home at the end of the day
A huge observation of the teens of today
Please listen to what I say and take it slow
Don’t take on too much of something to which you don’t know
Enjoy youthful years to grow and avoid taking it too serious
Because when you get too curious, you become too delirious
As you’re hurt by disappointment from being in love and feelings getting saturated
But check this here, you weren’t in love, you were just infatuated
Please, leave playing house to the kids

4/23/2007

Ring of Confinement

2007-05-20T12:25:00.000-04:00

Arguing, fussing and fighting every other day
Your ears can’t believe some of the evil things he’ll say
Getting angrier and blaming you like it’s your fault
And if that’s not enough, he’ll throw more salt into the wound
Saying he’s leaving and you won’t be seeing him soon
Leaving you the buffoon following the direction he’s led
Because you now question the correction in your head
Then fall to his weak apology and erection in your bed
With that said, start paying attention
You cry more than you smile
You let the pain gather and pile
And at the end of the day you still pick up the phone and dial
The cause of your stress right back
Let’s say you find the right track and pack to leave
Would you believe he’s got another trick?
He knows you’re done so "marry me" are the next words he’ll pick
Because he knows you’re emotionally so sick
And all the time spent going to hell and back
You’re too used to him to be with another and watch the clock tick
Now feeding you ideas of a life so tropic
Now he’s starting to sound like a hot pick
But alas, he’ll soon stop it
Now you’re back to where you started
Being in a relationship and still being broken hearted
But you have wonder
If there is nothing left for yourself
If they have taken all you have to give
You have to ask yourself
Is this the love life that you wish to continue to live?
Don’t become trapped, because there is always an exit
But for the most part you’ll continue the cycle
Watching as he’ll come home and pain he’ll bring
You’ve now trapped yourself because of the idea of receiving a little ring

4/22/2007

Soul Consumption

2007-04-06T19:18:00.000-04:00

Despite my fight
I’ve already become a faded memory
Days go by and the phone never rings
Simple companionship is something nobody brings
No more IMs
No more new friends
No more smiles and cheers over my creativity
My creations are old news
Ironically that motivates my creativity
I create the cold blues
No one wishes to be involved anymore
Even my own mother doesn’t pay attention
I just want to express an idea
But no one is willing to listen
So I go back to the darkness
I let the shadows consume my soul

I like the darkness just like the rain
So when I cry my tears of sorrow
You’ll think its water from the sky instead of internal pain
I can hide in the shadows
Conceal my emotions in the dark
Hide the pain that I failed to leave my mark
Where did they all go?
Why did they all give up on me?
Not too long ago I had plenty
Now I’m on the lower side of many
That is, if I still have any
Because hours fly by
Days fly by
And my caller ID, my inboxes are simply
Empty

So I don’t fight the darkness anymore
I let it fully consume me
It’s the only friend I do have
The only entity that I know will always be there
Whether it has a positive or negative influence I don’t really care
Because it’s the only friend that will always be there
So many have come and left
They were only interested in what I do
Because of their infatuation or the interest was new
Then they get bored from the immense saturation
They got their fill
So they spill the rest
But the darkness never gets full
It craves more and more

Its loyalty is always shown
Kicking in at the right time when I’m all alone
When nobody listens anymore
When nobody cares anymore
When nobody wishes to be involved anymore
When nobody is even interested anymore
It’s so sad that I’m of absolutely no concern
The only thing worse would be "his" return
When speaking of the most forgotten
It’s safe to choose me for that assumption
So I shield my emotions with the darkness of my soul’s consumption

4/3/2007

What You Know About That?

2007-04-04T15:41:00.000-04:00

What you know about having an icebox where your heart used to be?
What you know about not being able to get somebody outta your system?
Half a decade has passed
And you still hurt knowing you still miss them

What you know about riding around in one big circle?
What you know about disappointment from not getting a call last night?
Staring at the phone
Regretting that time altering last fight

What you know about watching the page get turned on you?
What you know about trying to leave but something pulling you back?
Trying to fight the feelings
But then you return to the same track

What you know about having someone stuck in your mind?
What you know about having to say goodbye?
Not because you want to
But because you know you have to so they no longer stress or cry

What you know about feeling you’re going to be single for the rest of your life?
What you know about feeling like you walked out of heaven?
And landed straight in hell
Making the weeks seem longer than just days of seven

What you know about having what goes around come around?
What you know about being so sick?
Because you still make them a mandatory thought
But you are not an optional thought they pick

See maybe you know a little about that
But what you know about this?

What you know about having it bad?
What you know about riding that emotional rollercoaster?
Because the feelings still haunt you
And all you want is to be closer

What you know about thinking about your sweet lady?
What you know about wanting her to unbreak your heart?
Because you’ve put all the pieces back except one
And she’s that missing part

What you know about getting hit by a love TKO?
What you know about knowing you can’t be friends?
Because it won’t be the same
You’ll always see them the same way no matter the lens

What you know about feeling you’ll die with out them?
What you know about going halfcrazy over them?
Because the past looked so bright
But this future looks so dim

What you know about feeling twisted?
What you know about that do for love type shit?
Because you do everything but you don’t find love
And the truth is you still ain’t over it

What you know about trying one more try before they let you go?
What you know about when the water runs dry?
But there is still liquid
Because you know about one last cry

What you know about being taken by a smooth operator?
What you know about having someone else in your bed?
You gave all your trust
You even believed the stories they said

What you know about just wanting them to come and talk to you?
What you know about not appreciating this woman’s work?
Because when a woman’s fed up
There is nothing to do but hurt

What you know about going through this for six straight years?
And never really getting the chance to receive a break
And still pushing on through life
Because it’s just something you know you have to take
What you know about being knocked out for months
Because your heart took a huge blow
What you know about fighting to hold on
But at the same time trying to make the feelings go
I know you haven’t seen half of this
So go ahead and tell me what you really know

3/30/2007

Time Not Well Spent

2007-04-03T20:29:00.000-04:00

All the time I’ve wasted
All the air that has left my lungs
Air that could have been spent keeping me alive
But now air wasted on the one thing I despise
A wasted connection

I’ve spent years getting to know people
I’ve spent years building connections
I’ve spent years showing people I’ll be their protection
But where are they now?
Gone without a trace
What a fucking waste

It upsets me when I think about them
Knowing how I tried to make them feel so good
How I made valiant efforts like no one else would
Going out of my way to make them feel comfortable
Now I can’t even get a “wasup”
Fucks up with that?

To think
All the times I was told I meant a lot
The times I was told that I was significant
Just the thought of those lies has gotten me belligerent
Damn this anger from within

I can’t even get sad now, I only get angry
I have to watch comedy 24/7 so I don’t lose it
So to my soul, that anger I won’t fuse it
It pisses me off to have wasted 22 years of my life
I can count on one hand the people that passed the test of time

Anger from no appreciation of a friendship
Anger from wasting time trying to connect to others
I am bleeding this
But what the fuck am I writing for?
You ain’t even reading this

4/3/2007

Fit the Description

2007-03-29T19:00:00.000-04:00

Black fitted cap
Covering a black du-rag
Covering a head full of braids
Black T-shirt and dark blue jeans
One size too big to cover the black timbs
Sometimes a set of tinted eyeshades
Watch as this description persuades
It changes the perception into a stereotypical exception
That will lessen what you really see and have met
But really, is what you see what you get?
Haven’t even cracked open the book
Yet you know the story by the cover
Passing judgment already
Ignoring the good nature that will hover
That will fly over your head that you might have noticed had you read
But instead you fill in your own story
And take every glory deed I’ve done
Turn them into a reason to shun
To turn your nose up at me
Haven’t even opened my mouth and you know the dialogue
For the ladies, since I’m male I’m compared to an animal
Most try a dog
As for the rest of society
They try and lie to me about acting to blindly
Then deaf themselves to the words that will spray
Because they expect these to be the words I will say

"Get in my face and I’ll put a gun in your mouth
Tell you to try to talk that out
Then stick a blade in your thigh
And tell you to try and walk that out"
Or
"I’ve never shot a gun before; please don’t be the reason behind my first time
I’ve done wrong before but Lord knows this will be my worse crime
I’m not trying to be unreasonable; I’m just trying to handle mine
Keep rubbing me the wrong way if you think you can handle nine"

But I guess I fit the description of an angry black man
Never even allowing me to mention I like calm strolls through the black sand
Or listening to me articulate my speech
Or think I’ll participate in the set goals I wish to reach
So if that’s the approach you take to not show some class
Then you fit the description of being just a little dumbass

3/23/2007

Been There... Done That

2007-03-23T13:24:00.000-04:00

During reflections of life is the only time I stare hard into the mirror
To bring distant thoughts ever the more nearer
To remember that I’ve been there
To remember that I’ve done that
And if you think its something new you’re experiencing or about to
Yea, I’ve been there and done that too
I’ve made people stop and stare at me at the top of popularity
And I’ve watched as people walk pass and don’t nod me
I’ve been a nobody
I’ve been on paid man’s status
People have watched me splurge money
I’ve been down and out
Flat broke as a joke that I didn’t think was too funny
I’ve had my boyish innocence reign supreme and live large
I’ve altered my personality
Edited the approach and been guilty of every charge (never convicted though)
I’ve found loves that broke my heart
And I’ve been the heartbreaker that separated theirs into and indistinguishable body part
Now each "she" will mistake her pain for love’s art
I’ve done things that ignored my conscience
I’ve then listened to its directional path and been on since
I’ve gained family
I’ve lost family
I’ve had every type of girl you can imagine
I’ve lost every type of girl you can imagine
I’ve watched when my life chose to begin
I’ve seen my life come close to an end
Then I watched as it grows once again
I’ve watched school show me I’m smart
I’ve watched school tell me I’m dumb
I’ve been a leader
I’ve been lead and instructed to come
I’ve even been a prophet for some
I’ve lived in a big home, yes
I’ve lived as the homeless
I’ve been alone and full of stress
I’ve been shown and given my happiness
The details of these events delve so much deeper
But each of these events is such a keeper
There are so many war stories in which to carry on
Because the list of my life is ever so long
So say so long to the notion that I don’t feel you
Or that I won’t heal you
Because I’ve been through so much
I’ve been cursed and blessed by life’s touch
I’ve just about experienced it all short of death
I’ve been there, I’ve done that, now I’m just seeing what’s left

3/12/2007

Life Savings

2007-03-09T20:26:00.000-05:00

How do you save the life of someone that doesn’t want to be saved?
You can’t
So what’s left after the cries of a frustrated rant?
You fear what events are brought by tomorrow
You become filled with uncertainty and sorrow
And you try to borrow a shoulder for support
In hopes that the hard feelings will export
But they just build up
They accumulate into despair
And you get the feeling that it’s just not fair
It’s not right what happened
It’s not right you couldn’t be the savior
That you couldn’t adjust the behavior that might have prevented the events
Now as it presents, you need the saving
You need help getting once again on track
Because the minute you start blaming yourself for others’ mistakes
There’s no turning back
You can’t help someone unless they let you
It’s not your fault
So try to not let the uncontrollable upset you
Stop this and put it to a halt

3/9/2007

"Where did I go wrong... I lost a friend"
- The Fray

7 Deadly Sins Pt 2 (Lust)

2007-03-01T20:20:00.000-05:00

Never fall in love, always fall in lust
Never trust the sharks with your heart is a must
Plus, your love is like blood in the water
When they see it, they strike
When they sense it, they pounce
Then it will take every ounce to get through that pain
And build yourself back up again
Which is why I never claimed “in love” again?
Let me explain that I SAID love
But it was infatuation
If I wanted to fuck after a week or two
Then I wasn't in love with you
There were a few that I did catch emotions
And I did contemplate honoring their devotions
But it was still lust focusing on the motions of the bed
And the notions in my head that said to play it smart
Play the game first
Whether in the wrong or right
To beat the Hammerhead, you become the Great White

So I'd browse with my eyes
Then I'd let the thoughts roam free
And they would free from the cage a beast
Scouring the plains for his sexual release
At whom ever's expense
And almost in sequence, he would dispense his lust
After that, a meeting might not happen for a long time again
Because they were viewed as "a means to an end"
Simply an object for pleasure
No matter who's treasure became unburied
If it was put in sight and placed in thought
Then in my trap they were already caught
Because they were not sought after for feeling
They were an object
But they were not an object but instead a human being
Something that lust wouldn't let be seen
Because when I would look at them
All I thought is what I would do with them
And that wasn't right
And I would fight the urge but it would surge through my veins
But I found strength to ignore the sexual three knocks
I would allow my body to undergo detox
Because I've been shown that self righteousness is a bigger something to me
So Lord please forgive me
Now that I have released this demon from my spirit
I pray to my Lord that I never again go near it
You have blown away the itch with your holy wind's gust
Dear Lord, please forgive my past and final sins of Lust

3/1/2007

Counting My Blessings

2007-02-25T21:24:00.000-05:00

I’ve spent so much time griping
Over all the times I’ve spent wiping
The tears from my eye
From the numerous times I’ve been made to cry
It makes it seem as though I rarely get happy
Or rarely received a blessing
Because it seems I’m always wrestling with moments of disappoint or dishonor
This is why I’m taking this time to honor
The entity and people who helped me along the way
I want to show appreciation for the roles that they play

Dear Lord, thank you for waking me each morning
Even those when I wanted to quit
You wouldn’t let me forget that you had a plan for me
And that you could handle me getting a little off track
Because like a herder to sheep, you would bring me right back
And thank you for my health and wellness
Because you know it’s been times I threw caution to the wind
And this was time and time again that I wouldn’t be defensive
But instead, offensive with my body
And you protected me each step of the way
And by the way, thank you for never giving up
But instead giving me a dream that I’m living up to
I’m giving praise to the days that you’ve put before me
I may not know the road but I know you’ll assure me its purpose

I can’t forget to thank you dear Lord for my family
They’ve looked after me at every turn
My father for investing value in things I’ve earned
My mother showing the sensitivity I’ve learned
My older sister for coming down on me so stern
She taught me how to be tough and hold my own
But she still protects her baby brother from things un-shown
My oldest sister for showing me lessons in adulthood
Telling me not to sell myself short like I knew I would
My beautiful nieces for being the women in my life
When I thought I had lost my potential wife
My nephew for being the little man to make me glad
My brother-in-laws for being the brothers I never had
Thank you for the friends that stuck by
That never would disappear even if I would try
They showed their loyalty, for them I’ll ride or die

For everyone else that came in and out the fold
You are not immune from how this story is told
See even as I grow old I will still remember you
Whether April’s rain or September’s dew
The feeling will always be the same
I want to thank you
Because your participation made me who I am
Whether you were helping me in or out of a jam
Man, I just want to say thank you
And what ever blessings I miss
Lord I want to thank you for this
See we focus so much on the negative strife
That we forget to count the blessings in our life
Take a moment to count them up
You’ll see they add up to a number so great
It can erase any internal or external hate
And I didn’t forget the blessing that cured my heart’s tangle
Dear Lord, thank you for sending an angel

2/25/2007

7 Deadly Sins Pt 1 (Wrath)

2007-02-21T00:11:00.000-05:00

THE FOLLOWING POEM... IS RATED R!

I feel like putting everyone on blast and say KISS MY ASS
I noticed you were sending your condolences when my father passed
But that was the last time I heard from the most of ya'll
Yet you want me to continue to call you my "friends"?
This must be part of the friendship that bends
Because you all are so self-centered that you fake it
But yet you're too afraid to break it
How about you find your gut and take it
Take ownership for your action
And stop using it for your own satisfaction
To appeal to my friendship when it's convenient for you
For the most of you, it was lead only by an attraction
Once subtraction of those feelings
I'll be damned of the new revealings
Absence and abandonment
All the friendships I claimed and cherished
Now I'm so damn embarrassed
So reluctant to say that you all were part of my life
And I knew things would be different after I disappeared from the surface
To be honest I was so nervous
I thought things would get bad but this decline is sad
Yea I had a lot to deal with so I needed personal time
And upon my resurfacing I saw the strength of friendships of mine
I must have been blind to think I could keep and please everyone
But with the true colors shown, I'm so easily done

And to those "special" friends that once carried the label wife
Most of you have done no more than add to my strife
How you've acted so trife
Ok, maybe some of the things I did may have cut like a knife
But I did my best, to repair the hearts in your chest
And I must confess that for so long I carried baggage with your names on it
Because ya'll still were important and I'll proclaim on it
I'll put that on my reputation
Put that in a proclamation
Because even after we fell off
I was far from well off
I may have acted so hard
But that's because my heart was so soft
Because I couldn't understand how you could go so hard
But then give up so easy
I mean damn
It was like I was a virus that you had to get away from because you got queasy
But believe me I know better now
I know that I can not harbor these negative feelings to those
That might have been responsible for many of my whoas
Because it is I who chose to incorporate their company
And I've been shown that self righteousness is a bigger something to me
So Lord please forgive me
Now that I have released this demon from my spirit
I was guilty of this
So I pray to my Lord that I never again go near it
You have cleansed my soul and body in your holy water's bath
Dear Lord, please forgive my past and final sins of Wrath

2/20/2007

Heart Stopped Beating (Pain of an Artist)

2007-02-11T23:38:00.000-05:00

I swear this is the last time I write about you
So much if I can help it, it will be the last thing ever I do
It was never you that had to take on the pain as I
Thoughts of how I broke your heart made me want to die
Made me want to cry
Made me want to lie
That all is well when anyone can tell
I just wasn’t feeling right inside
For years having to hide the broken parts of me
It’s what you don’t see on which you should worry

I’ve spent the majority of my adult life singing your praises
And its amazes me that I let that come to be
When obviously you never even spoke of me
Then I see something that will start a choke in me
And before long once again you have broken me
Like a stick to a dead body
You’re doing nothing more then poking me
Which seals the deal that I’m dead to you

I see the truth in that information
Because we know this next bit isn’t exaggeration
You’re never there for me and haven’t been so for some time
I was going to kill myself
Remember that time?
My father died
Remember that time?
All my birthdays
Remember those times?
Oh that’s right you wouldn’t because you weren’t there
But yet you’ll stare at all my negative rhymes
Quick to speak up when you notice something you don’t like
But when I do, I’m supposed to take my tongue and bite

The pain of an artist, the price we have to pay
It’s not about using your talent in the smartest way
It’s about tapping into something you never knew you had
Going through an extreme misery
Or being extremely mad
I’ve paid this price and I can’t pay anymore
My hearts been through it all and it’s plenty sore
It’s been beating so hard and it can’t beat anymore
At least not for you
My heart has stopped beating
But this time I know what to do
Thanks for the inspiration that you have given
But now a love life is what I need to be living
Same as yours...
My heart beats for somebody else now

2/5/2007

Put in Perspective

2007-02-06T16:57:00.000-05:00

Laying comfortable on silk sheets
Dining room the size of a ball room where dinner meets
Noses to the sky because the money has made them high
They don’t know the pain of suffer
They lose money and grow weak
We lose the money and grow tougher
Because the rougher the conditions
The stronger our positions on faith
We believe in the Lord and that he’ll keep us safe
Because it’s not what we accomplish for right here
It’s what we accomplish for up there

You look down on us because we weren’t given your opportunity
Or because we haven’t yet seen success
Or because our lives don’t have access to progress like yours
You don’t even lift your finger for menial chores
Paying to have your lawn mowed
Paying to have your house clean
Treating every lower class person like your personal machine
Like we have no sense, like we aren’t human
Like we haven’t a brain to know what we are doing
While all we’re pursuing is to just get by
You try to make us feel like we deserve to die

Spoiled since almost your creation
Thinking everyone will cater to you is an abomination
Yet you look to my class like we’re the problem
That everyone is a dishonest thief
Or too lazy for our own belief
And when a work horse arises to your relief
You work them harder and increase their lowly grief
Because they’re just doing their best to try and get by
They don’t even have enough time to sit and cry

Our lives are bills stacking up
Bill collectors cracking down
Public transportation because there isn’t a car to get around
Delinquent notices mean to the streets we’re bound
Hardships you’re not accustomed to
In the non-cushioned world
You survive by doing what you have to do
Yea there are thieves but they reside in each class
Yet you’ll harass when we steal to put a meal in our belly socket
And you’ll steal to put a meal in your accounting pocket
Looking down on us because we’re unfortunate
Because we’re of a lower class
I politely am asking you to stop it
Or I’ll go to a class higher than yours
And pray to him to take your class and drop it

Life handed to you
Opportunity handed to you
There is no reason for such treatment
You’ll just cement yourself in stone to reach hell
You’ve basically sold your soul to on this Earth be something greater
I’ll keep my soul and take my heaven later
And to those that lost sight after they won their fight
You get one rhyme because you know you’re not right
Living life on the upper or lower
What happens when life gets flipped around?
Where are you at now, what new perception have you found?
When you have taken one of the strolls that we walk
Only then do you have permission to see talk

2/4/2007

Waging War (Still Not a Rapper)

2007-02-01T16:00:00.000-05:00

I’m about to make a lot of people mad
But I’m not really caring
I’m going to be like Evil Canivel and Super Dave
And be super daring
Because this "Hip Hop" has got me tearing hair from my head
Nassir was right when he said Hip Hop is dead

Every time I cut on the radio things get very scary
So I feel someone speaking up is very necessary
Before these artists finally bury what’s left of Hip Hop
With their talk of the top being chop
Or detailing at a chop shop
Man it’s got to stop
Damn they even got me doing it
With the abc rhyme scheme
And you know what I mean
If I hear one more time
Someone rhyme block with glock
Or hot or on lock
Somebody’s ass going to get shot
Then again they’d probably like that

Please tell me what happened to the music industry
People are handing out record deals so generously
To artists that lack the essence of creativity
Making up words and throwing at the end an "izzle"
Snoop made it hot
Gave the game a little fizzle
But it lost its sizzle when everyone invaded his unique environmental
They put a new spin on an old trend and call themselves original
Someone find me a projector so I can give them a new visual
Show them you can’t go down in history if you’re saying the same thing
It’s supposed to be a mystery but you’re saying the same thing
Everyone is talking about the money they’re spending
And the cars in the videos that they’re pretending they own
When it was on loan for that video shoot
It’s all the same

All of it’s the same
If you pay close enough attention
You’ll notice they put their lines in a recycle bin
So they’ll have the same fame and love Michael was in
Well before he became a white woman
They take those lines and just rearrange their order
Expect no one to notice because it’s a different beat as they spit in the recorder
But it’s all the same even in a name
Everyone’s Lil’ or Young
Everyone’s cooking it up
Everyone’s making it rain
Everyone’s hustling
Everyone’s shooting
Everyone’s drinking
Everyone’s smoking
Everyone’s fresh to death
Everyone’s pimping making them lose their breath
Where the hell is the variety?
And why is society falling for this?
Are they so high off this dangerous drug that they allow real Hip Hop to fade into the abyss?

So much has changed just so, so much can remain the same
Everything is so much the same
Even the hook of a song is composed of the same line over and over again
I suppose this was a cute idea but then again
So many overuse it, I just want it to end
But don’t get me wrong
In this life you need a good party song
To relieve all the stress you may be haulin’
I may have been bobbing my head because the beat was catchy
But trust you didn’t catch me shooting the J to ballin’
It was a cute song
But it had no meaning
Months from now it will be forgotten and fade
Become just another song that was over played

There ARE rappers out there
That ARE sending a message and paying their due
Outkast, DMX, Ludacris, Mos Def, Common just to name a few
And mad underground rappers that under top labels’ radar they flew
And even before I said it
I believed that main stream artists that fly high
Still have the potential to earn that credit
To turn that energy into kinetic
Just give a little edit to approach
Because if a trendy or cute song is all you’re good for
Then what kind of legendary future do you really have in store?
So your album drops in January, but come December you’re through
Then December after that, no one will remember you
Remember who is Mike Jones?
And Loon that used to hang out with Sean Combs
Lack of standing out talent won’t keep you around long
Just like B2K’s days faded away
You won’t be on top too long
And if you don’t like my dialogue
Then don’t read my blog
So until you spit a line that’s remotely close to reality
Say something else because you ain’t saying nothing to me

2/1/2007

You Are My Friend, but Your Pregnancy Is Not

2007-02-01T15:56:00.000-05:00

Now I’m not venting because I’m angry
I’m venting because I blame me
For not being able to protect my friends
From a dangerous end then trying to pretend
That it will be ok
See I love my lady friends as much as possible
So I want to steer them clear of any obstacle
Or any optical illusion
Because it may look right and it may feel right
But that doesn’t mean it is right
This is why I hate to see
A too soon or too early pregnancy

I hate to see a difficulty
Brought on by a pregnancy
Because it’s supposed to be a beautiful thing
Supposed to say "Lord, thank you for this blessing to me
Not "Lord, this is really stressing to me"
And I don’t care if it’s destined to be
I don’t want them struggling
I don’t want them wondering where their baby daddy is at
Or if the next man up to bat
Can pick up the pieces the last left where he sat
And as a matter of fact, I can’t even face them
Because I couldn’t stop it
No matter what I did it couldn’t be stopped
I couldn’t prevent the ball from being dropped
Because some guy wanted to hop from your bed to another
My sisters, your pain is felt by this brother
There is nothing more at that point I can do
But say you should pray and that I’ll pray with you
Please Lord, keep them strong
And don’t get me wrong

You’ve brought or are bringing to the world a precious gift
That alone should give your smile a lift
But just as swift you’re brought back to reality
That you have a baby daddy and not a husband
Should he become your husband
The main reason is because it was the right move to make
Not because you planned it out but could not wait
I don’t want to see them take this road because it’s tough
Think through it before you do it
Can you see yourself bound to that person?
If there is any confusion or even one percent doubt
Then don’t doubt that won’t be more than enough

To those that it’s too late
I can’t even face you
At one point I used to chase you
Now I must erase you
Because it was nothing I could do
But I’ll always give support when it’s needed to you

T, damn girl
D, damn girl
K, damn girl
L... man damn it
And to all the others
I’m sorry for it
I couldn’t protect you
I couldn’t stop it

1/30/2007

Invincible

2007-01-26T12:46:00.000-05:00

Taking a bullet to the chest
Getting hit by a car
Or even failing a test
Let me address the human mind state
That we believe we can control fate
That the thought of something happening isn’t too convincible
Because we’re too busy thinking we’re too invincible
That is
Until the something does happen

You may see on the news
Or hear stories of someone’s unlucky twist of fate
And you think that couldn’t be you
But I’ll bet the people in the stories
Thought the same thing too
So what if you knew the percentage rate for catching an STD
But it hasn’t happened to you yet so you think “it won’t happen to me”
Plus you pick your partners ever so carefully
But all that changes one day
When you go to the bathroom and it hurts to pee
Still think it can’t happen to you?

Maybe you’re on the corner trying to make some money
Always out after dark, never seen when it’s sunny
Feeling bulletproof with the burner on your side
And anyone that knows you
Knows you’re not shy to show your pride
Then on day
When someone else’s heater decides to spray
And a stray is caught in your nerve
While paralysis is something you believe you don’t deserve
You do now think that it could happen to you

“Fortune 500 company lays off thousands” is the headline you see
Thinking to yourself, “couldn’t happen to me”
You’re a rare jewel and needed by your company
Until the next day when your boss calls you in and says
“You’re an astounding worker I just wanted you to know
But the company’s making cutbacks so I have to let you go”
Now 5 star dinners turn into a value meal
And you try to conceal your face from the real
Until you see the envelope marked “passed due”
That’s when the realization hit that it can happen to you

Many times pulling out or not are the methods you choose
Despite child birth and single mothers blowing up the news
But you don’t get confused because “it won’t be me”
Then your monthly friend doesn’t come around anymore
And your stomach starts giving you a minor sore
Now you have to explain to your family
That their baby is having a baby
And you hope that maybe the father will stick around
But I did mention that single motherhood is a classic trend in town
You now know you’re not invincible
Because it has happened to you

It’s a typical characteristic to think you’re invincible
To situations of life that may or may not be sensible
At least until they happen
Don’t think it won’t when you’ve seen it can
Every person walking this Earth is an ordinary lady or man
We live, we breathe, we bleed, and we die
There are no exceptions
Still think you’re invincible and life won’t happen to you?
I’ll admit before life happened, I thought the same thing too

1/26/2007

A Man for All Seasons (Sir Thomas Jackson)

2007-01-23T15:56:00.000-05:00

Standing up for ones belief
Putting the foot down with no grief
Truth, honesty and loyalty
Compassion, communication, treat her like royalty
And even when worse comes to worse
That woman still gets put first
Being there for all the right reasons
The gift of a man for all seasons

Though known in autumn
It’s ensured that she never takes a fall
And openness of emotions is something that will not stall
But yet to haul the responsibility
Of caring for her precious heart
This is as magnificent
And as significant as the color changing leaves of nature’s art
This is but the start

As winter comes, she is kept warm
The powerful embrace fills the feeling of security
And it’s no obscurity to lie in bed
Watching the falling of the first snow
And to smile because she’ll know
He is a man of purity
Then leading to the outdoor vicinity
Where they’ll snow fight and play until he’ll carry her in slow stride
Back to the inner warmth
Just to lay by her side

As she springs into the new season
No longer confined to a room
It’s now romantic walks outside admiring the flowers new bloom
In a bright sun dress
Next to the best blessing she could ever receive
Someone that made it the duty to stay and never leave
Standing his ground and backing his word

The clothes start to cut off
As the summer starts to cut on
She looks to the side and sees he’s still not gone
It feels too good to be true
But that’s wrong because it is true
Swimming beside her in the pool
His staring of all eyes on her keeps her cool
The affection and admiration of her body
Gives her a cool comforting feeling that beats the heat

Sticking by the side is a special truth
Not because he BELIEVES in it
But because HE believes in it
Solely to ensure her happiness and no other reasons
The gift of a man for all seasons

1/23/2007

I Wish

2007-01-21T20:54:00.000-05:00

Sometimes escape seems the only answer
To pack a bag and runaway from the pain
You hope
You just hope so hard that you won’t have to cope
With the pain that torments you
That you’ll be safe from it escaping to some place new
And that which you’ve left behind
Stays behind
Leaving a clear mind on what you can now do
But what you’ve done instead
Is given yourself more time to let old thoughts run in your head
Trust me I know
Running away to seclusion
Only isolates you from others intrusion
Which could help take your mind away
Take your pain away
But no, you choose to lay away and hope it will be faded away
But it doesn’t

I disagree with “time heals all wounds”
Time doesn’t make things easier
Time makes things harder
A longer time to have that feeling of a taste most tarter
I wish I could escape this ultimate plain
So I can escape the extreme pain
Because everywhere I turn I’m reminded of my insignificance
The skills I don’t possess
And the credibility I lack
And the knack I have for pain of the heart
I wish
I just wish this life I could take and reshape
But I can’t so I look up until I end up there to escape

1/21/2007

Supposed to be Missed

2007-01-20T10:57:00.000-05:00

Why does it still hurt?
Why do I still feel a choking in my throat?
The feeling that I can’t breathe
Why did my dream have to end?
Before it even had a chance to begin
Why was this the war I could not win?
Even though things would always get hard
I always thought it was God testing our strength
Seeing if we could go that long distance length
That would make that dream come true
Starting a family
Spending my life with you
Have a wedding
Have our children
A wonderful life was my dream
But it looks like that is all over
And it looks as if we’ve failed the Lord’s test
I guess we just weren’t strong enough
And no matter how much I huff and I puff
It won’t change a thing
And no matter how many memories I salvage
It won’t change a thing
Like you singing “I’m Ready for Love”
I guess in each other it hides from us both
Just one more memory that won’t change a thing
But decisions have been made
These are the beds in which we’ll be laid
Though I don’t believe this feeling will ever completely fade
It hasn’t thus far
I know I will never forget you
Which makes me question, what am I supposed to do?
I guess, I’m just supposed to miss you

1/9/2007

The Breakup

2007-01-18T13:48:00.000-05:00

Saying its over is only ending the beginning
You have a lot to go through before you can start grinning
Acknowledging its finale is but the first stage
And don’t try to turn the page just yet
First on this relationship you have to let the sun set

Saying it’s through is just ending the technical phase
Dropping titles with no delays
But this is a test that last a matter of days
How long can you stay angry?
How long can you stay sad?
Until you miss their presence
And you become weakened by their absence
And uncomfortable by their voiceless silence
Then you feel your guidance system move you back
Back to the person that you felt last on track
Title is gone but ya’ll can still chill right?
But chill turns into something else for old time’s sake
Then before you know it the old times become awake
But on this remake the difference is no title
So you sit idle wondering what to do
Because they’ll hunt others while keeping close to you
Or ya’ll will reunite but it’ll be the same stuff you’ll go through
What’s next?

So you finally realize keeping the physical
Is holding on to the mental
You can’t get over them
Until you stop being all over them
That you can’t finally move on
Until you tell them no
Your life can’t move forward
Until you tell their life to go
And now you know that saying it in the beginning was the easy part
The hardest is removing them from your life, mind and heart
Only the strong get this fair in the race from the start
What’s next?

Your body is craving someone to hold but you manage
Unless you’re like those that feel the need to go out and get
You can breathe easy not but you’re not out of the woods yet
Now you reminisce of all the good times
When you thought of wedding chimes
Then that reminds you of what you miss
But you have to power through this
Have to learn to be comfortable all alone
It’s not necessary to have someone just to have them in your home
The home of your heart, your house, or your mind
Don’t let loneliness or thoughts bind you
To situations you’ll cry through

What’s left?
Nothing but your love
Hopefully you don’t take the breakup in strife
Because you need your “you” time
You have to love every aspect of who you are
Before you even attempt to try and love someone else
Now that you don’t always associate your life with theirs
And you can ignore the lover and be a friend who cares
Guess what?
You are now officially broken up

1/2/2007

Be Yourself (Time to be Heard)

2007-01-08T23:12:00.000-05:00

I’ll take a stance at center stage
Just so you’ll hear my every word
But I’m not trying to have my name in lights
I’m just trying to be heard
And it’s not absurd to know it’s not enough to just show up
You have to find the courage to actually go up
And if I have to get big to gain your attention
Then watch me blow up
And watch as I grow up and put knowledge in me
More than can be found with just a college degree
And whether some know it or not
They are actually modeling me
The lifestyle that I’ve lived
The expressions that I give
But that’s what I expect
Many will mimic a style that’s shown
While the gimmick I generate is that of my own
But let it be known that this is me being me
This is not really a gimmick
This is who I choose to be
I think it was a good choice
I choose to not throw stacks but to use a card
Get up on that credit score
Don’t nobody use cash any more
I choose to focus on a subtle and classic yet personalized style
Not always focusing on trends that will be gone in a short while
I choose to give a woman love and respect
Instead of try and control her with pain
I may lose that woman to a guy who will
But deep inside I will have gain
Because I will have shown her that good men do exist
So she need not persist to drive herself insane
And I choose to rep the country
Because I ain’t from the hood
I choose to be different
Because despite what many may think, different can be good
We are the decisions we make in life
We are what we choose to be
If you choose not to be true
Then you choose not to be you
I’ve sat back and watched quietly
But I’ve stated, don’t let the public absence deceive you
The private life needs some tending to
Maybe I should rise prematurely to stir things up
And in certain situations not be so reserved and kind
Once again go back to being the target that ain’t hard to find
What do you think?
Is it my time to stand back up and shine?

1/8/2007

A New Year's Resolution

2007-01-01T11:08:00.000-05:00

Change is inevitable
It can happen at anytime
And this time a lot has taken a change
As it all gangs up on me, I try to remember
I’m a few months passed September
The year is almost at a close
Last time I had a resolution I truly didn’t believe in
This year I did that, next year I will not
2006 took me through hell, 2007, give me all you got

January 1, 2006 I made a promise to myself
That I was not going to let this year be the same
As the year that before it had came
And my aim was to take control of change of and around me
But what happened was change took control and would surround me
I didn’t have faith in myself
So it’s no wonder I failed
Then by my non-acceptance and self pity I was jailed
Changes in love and finances
Changes in education and location
Changes in friends and family
Luxuries of the past lifestyle
So many changes seemed a calamity
And I could only be mad at me
Because I didn’t want to see those changes

However, through all the turmoil 2006 taught me lessons
Lessons about myself and lessons on how to grow
Impacting lessons that I needed to know
That I can’t make change until I accept change
And before I can make a change externally
I have to make a change internally
To solidify my contentment into eternity
And now I turn to me
The man I see in the reflection
And I tell him with no doubt or objection
That you can’t control all the changes
But you can accept those changes
Acceptance of change in this worldly institution
You don’t have to like them but at least face them
There is your resolution

In a year I faced so much I wasn’t prepared for
But that prepared me for what the rest of life has in store
And before I make a promise I’m not sure I can keep
I increase my faith
Pull strength from down deep
I’ve realized change is not a synonym for bad
And might I add
I made it out 2006 alive and kicking
So 2007, know that I can take a licking and I’ll keep on ticking

11/26/2006

His Forever

2006-12-23T12:29:00.000-05:00

I didn’t like to argue over it
Because it wasn’t my place to say
But I couldn’t understand how you could love me
But he was the one allowed to stay
And you would ignore me because of his jealousy
As I would sit and wait nervously
For the next opportunity to hear from you
And when I do and then try to get the real feelings out of you
All I hear is I don’t know
And then you have to go
Her voice is replaced by a dial tone

I love to hear from you but not in a weakened state
Drowning problems in alcohol is something I hate
Almost as much as when you call me hurt
Because an offensive comment he’s blurt
Or appreciation he’s neglected to give
And when I say this is the decision in which you’ve chosen to live
You direct the anger at me
It seems I so easily make you upset
Then you’ll turn away
But turning away from his anger is something you won’t let
Then you’ll chase him back and let me start walking
Its ok, I know that’s the pain and alcohol talking
Then her voice is replaced by a dial tone

This concept I never understood
To be with someone so you’re not alone
But has it not been shown
That one way relationships still leave you on your own
You just have the luxury of someone helping you feel down
And you’re bound by a false sense of security and hope
But to start over to find better you say nope
You refuse to cope with a harsh reality
That you may have to start over and over and over again
And get hurt over and over and over again
To find that genuine feeling that won’t fall over and end
To find someone that will love you how you should be loved
Someone that will help you feel love at its best
Instead of having you deal with their unneeded mess
So I’ll cope with the harsh reality that you'll never again be mine
And wish you the best in your final months of nine
He never fully appreciated you and he won’t your precious gift
I so wish I was the “he” that she made this mistake with
At that moment I realized we’d really never be back together
You’ll never be mine again, you’re now his forever

I don’t wait for the dial tone this time

12/23/2006

The Most Underrated

2006-12-21T11:56:00.000-05:00

Sitting in a chair
Arms folded at the knee
Leaning forward, head slightly tilted to the side
I drift off into my thoughts
I put up with so many things I’ve hated
I’ve flexed a lot of patience and I’ve waited
Constantly giving advice as I’ve stated
I’ve fought through so much that fell on my lap that I’d never have anticipated
And yet I remain as the most underrated

In the category of the ladies, you want someone that will help you out
In your life you want someone that will think clearly
That will respect your feelings dearly
For the most part you don’t get close to this nearly
And when you’re near me, you see a friend merely
Come on now, hear me out
Do you really not see the signs on your route?
When your relationships are upsetting, who puts a smile on your face?
When your relationships go sour, who helps get them back on track and in place?
And when they end
Who helps lift your spirits because he knows you’ll find someone better to embrace?
I guess the realization never overtook
Because by all of them I’m still overlooked

In the category of family, they should be your support
A foundation or backbone of some sort
Don’t get me wrong, mine have my back
But they are also quick to attack my age
Like flipping through a book but not reading one page
They hardly value my judgment or listen to my decision
And in comparison to their knowledge, I probably know half
But that doesn’t mean it’s the same half they have
I’m a different person with different ideas and different views
Which have taken me down different roads so I’ve paid a few dues
Even at home I’ve fixed cars up, fixed computers and doors
Cooked, cleaned, kept maintenance and other menial chores
But being at home I’m the baby to my sisters and mother
Because after me, there was no other
Being away and having peers listening got me hooked
But when I return home I’ve once again overlooked

In the category of poetry, how is it so many don’t notice me?
I’ve got postings on Myspace and Blogspot
And come on, I know some of those joints are hot
No disrespect to the few fans I got
I cherish and appreciate you guy’s devotion
But I’ve seen some other poets out there have mild pieces get a huge commotion
And it’s not my notion to downplay their work
But I’m also putting in hard work
I want to help out with the power of my spoken word
And it just seems I’m not getting heard
They average 5-10 comments, I average 5-10 views
Lucky if I get 1 comment, I’m about to sing the poetry blues
Focus on my passion is on what I’ve concentrated
Still remaining overlooked and underrated

I'm not whining or distraught for lack of attention
More so for the lack of appreciation
I'm not trying to put myself out there to gain publicity
I'm not trying to put myself out there for the world to see
I'm trying to put myself out there to help others most affectively
Because the life of a man is not measured in the people he's known
But yet by the people he's shown
Those he's affected, those he's protected
The price to pay of a free thinker
But this is what I expected

12/21/2006

Accustom to Pain

2006-12-11T00:10:00.000-05:00

It’s a shame when your best friend is pain
And you don’t know how to say you two can’t play anymore
That you just can’t take it like you could before
Nor do you want to
And deep inside you know this friendship isn’t best for you
Then when you get the courage to bring it to an end
Pain flips the script to pull you back in
So you give it a try again
Only to watch the cycle once more begin
Should you break the cycle and find a new friend to give chase
You start to notice similarities
You thought you left pain gone without a trace
You notice it’s been reincarnated just with a different voice and different face

It’s more of a shame when you begin a relationship with pain
It may not make any sense but it’s all you’ve ever known
You don’t know any other way because no other way has shown
And before you know it, you’ve noticed your love has grown
Now you’ve become trapped by your own love
And you pray for it to get better to the man up above
So you try to shove to the back all the feelings of “I knew it”
Instead of thinking about leaving you know you should just do it
But you don’t and stay because you’ve already become used to it
Still you can’t help feel you need to go
To be saved and find someone that will actually help you grow
Instead of someone that will help you feel low
But the way to do this is one you don’t know
So you force yourself to take it because it’s all you do know

12/7/2006

So Confused

2006-12-10T23:57:00.000-05:00

I don’t know what I’m feeling right now
And I don’t now what I’m about to say
I’m so confused
I don’t know if I’m sad or mad
I don’t know if I’m happy or depressed
This has been a stressful day
I can’t tell if I’m fighting my tears with anger
Or if I’m trying to cry my anger away
Am I happy because I’ve escaped?
Or am I sad because it’s finally gone
Am I depressed because I had to walk away?
Or am I mad because there was no fight to hold on
I don’t know if my eyes are red from anger or crying
I want to say I’ll make it through but that would be lying
Because I really don’t know
But I do know second place was not a position I wanted to take
So I’m forced to live with the decision I had to make
Emotions of love, I never thought I’d see them gone
Now I’m left singing PM Dawn
Because I’m so confused

12/7/2006

Closing the Book (Leaving the Right Way)

2006-12-08T13:10:00.000-05:00

Man what a ride
If I had to share it with anyone I’m glad it was with you
Because I know that your enjoyment of the experience was true
At times we didn’t know what to do with all the ups and downs
We were so confused with all the round and rounds
And now we’re left with the sounds of a love coming to a close
As we now exit our emotional rollercoaster
I reminisce one last time of times when we were closer
Man, what a ride

Remember back when it all began
Back when you had an innocent crush before I felt the same
And nclyicious would pop up and I wouldn’t remember your name
That was so crazy
Then we would get lazy into the next day
Because we would stay up late the previous night
And man what a sight to see when we would be on webcam TV
Into the late hours me staring at you and you staring at me
Talking about how you didn’t like your body but liked mine
And me saying I didn’t like mine but yours was so fine
Then came the time we mad it official
And we plotted out life and maybe you taking my last initial
I even remember I would get so nervous to use the phone and call
And how you complained you had a deep voice but I wanted it all
And remember when you caught me with those pictures?
Man, what a ride

Remember when we came back into each other’s lives
Seeing my phone again ring with your name put a huge smile on my face
I remember the first call because I was at the campus buffet place
My boy was staring at me
Looked like I seen a ghost
Well, that’s what most might think if they had looked at me
Then we started talking all the time
Then came the time
We met one day and I couldn’t stop smiling
Just chilling on those stairs with you, man we was wilding
I can still remember looking into your eyes
And you not wanting to let go of me
Man, what a ride

I even remember the times I acted insane
Remember that 7+ minute video
What in the world I was thinking I really don’t know
And all the times I’d piss you off so bad
Then return with an “I love you” because you know I love when you’re mad
Nah, just playing
But wasn’t all that a trip?
So many memories that will never slip
And before I close the book and let you go, remember this
We both gave each other something incredible
I may not be irreplaceable, but you know I’m damn sure unforgettable
Man, what a ride

12/6/2006

Forgiveness (Escaping Prison)

2006-12-06T15:09:00.000-05:00

Locked up behind these bars forged of self blame
Pacing back and forth in my cell
Reflecting on a bad past in shame
Thinking of the action that got me here
Looking at the key on the desk that can get me out of here
The key of the forgiveness of ones’ self
To escape I have to forgive and stop punishing myself
But I just can’t reach far enough though the bars I’ve built
Condemned for the past five years by my own guilt

Now sitting in a corner of my cell
I think back to how I triggered the event that occurred
Then it occurred to me that this was absurd
To punish myself so long for a wrong I committed to love
For justice to be in allowing the victim half a decade of punishing me
Letting her get away with actions others wouldn’t have a chance to make be
I’m starting to feel I’ve paid my debt to society

Now standing with palms and head pressed against the wall
Getting weak from the remorse I feel for my victim
But I do not fall
Then I feel remorse for myself
For now I am a victim
The excessive punishment I allow from her is a crime from afar
You see, we view those we love as we want them to be
Not as they truly are
I’ve allowed her to acquire every characteristic I despise
Let her perform every action I’ve shunned
And I’ve let it all slide

Now looking up to the ceiling
I think of her escaping with her murder to the heart
How I don’t do competition
But yet I fight for her attention
That I can’t stand when someone expresses feelings for someone else
While they are with someone else
But yet what we continue to do is get off the phone with an “I love you”
How every painful action I’ve given, because she gave them to me
And I stay so closed up to others, because she stays closed up to me
Even the warnings I share
I ignore myself
All this so I can continue the punishing of myself
She even escaped the wrath of the Black Rose
Because I led her down the path of chances I didn’t give anyone else

Then from no where a light shines on the key bouncing off my mirror
And I’m overcome with the feeling that it’s time to escape my guilt
I approach my mirror and stare myself in the eye
Then I say, “I forgive you”
And then I here my cell door open

12/1/2006

A Man's Worth

2006-12-03T11:54:00.000-05:00

A man's worth is not a highly talked about subject
And what would you expect
Not too many men are worth too much
I’m sure I won't find that many to object
But this man has worth
And the one person he'd expect to know it
Either doesn't realize or care enough to show it

I believed so much in you
And now I’m back at this crossroad where I don't know what to do
Because the things you used to say and the promises you used to make
That you want to be a part and you'll call, you then break
And each morning when I awake I think why
Why do you say the very things that you know will crush
That will turn my heart to mush
And why after every promise you break
Do I still sit by the computer or phone and wait
Eventually swallowing my pride
Attempting to get in contact only to hide the hurt of being ignored
And then to hear "I’ll call you right back"
And to know that you have no intention of calling back
The loyalty I have for the one I used to adore
The sacrifices I’m sure I would make again
All so your happiness could begin and never end
I so broke my back to make you feel appreciated
I would have never anticipated the reaction I got

I hope by the passion in my tone you see I’m not playing around
And get ready to hear this part quick because this is the break down

When it all started, the love was something new
I fell so deep in it I was lovesick with the flu
Then it faded and I thought our love you outgrew
Then I would review every time we would stupidly argue
And how my one great change I had blew
But then we tightened up and I thought the love started anew
But then I saw you weren't the same girl that I once knew
And a lot of the feelings you once had, you had withdrew
As I realized our life was through you would occasionally throw a clue
That you loved me as much as I love you
But that love was something you weren't trying to pursue
And then came the statements of things untrue
Let’s review
So many times you've said I don't care
And that communication with you was something I don't share
When all the time I’d write or call then at the phone or screen stare
While sitting in my chair and wait for a reply from somewhere
Getting one is rare
But then to be told that I avoid and don't try is unfair
When what I messed up once I’ve tried so hard to repair
And if you compare feelings I believe you could exit with no despair
And I do declare that would be hell for me to bear
And it’s still not fair that you expect me to always be there
But where are you when I get caught in a snare?
End review
I don't want to be mad and I don't want to be blue
Your time to realize value is way over due
Passed that time a lot of girls I’ve been through
And it was a lot of love and appreciation that they threw
And it’s funny
How people I don't really know realize my worth more than you

A man that opens up to share himself emotionally
A man that opens up period is a rare thing to see
All the talk about wifely material let me introduce you to hubby material
A man willing to cook for his family instead of leaving them dry cereal
A man willing to put his woman first and the world second
A man willing to answer to her voice each time she's beckoned
And when he is questioned, he always gives the truth
And he remains the same man she loved from their youth
He’s there every chance he can be
And if he can't be he'll lose his mind
And do the impossible and try to travel back in time
Just to make sure she's ok
And ok, this may sound like a weird choice
But also a man that will save a voicemail just to hear her voice
A man that's willing to protect her from the worst
A man that will make the apology first
A man that will listen when she talks
A man that will go after her if she walks
A man that will never say he's too busy
A man that will love you so much you can't comprehend and get dizzy

Talking is too easy so I don’t listen to what’s heard
Just show me and you don’t have to say one word
Because when you say it, sometimes it seems like a bothersome chore
And at times the feelings once felt don’t feel worth it anymore
I was taught to be a man from the moment of birth
Became bitter from the realities of the earth
Came to my senses and became stronger from it in my rebirth
Hear my cry, can you now see a man's worth?

11/29/2006

Senseless/Illogical Love (Sacrifices)

2006-11-30T19:30:00.000-05:00

I don’t know about you, but I want a love that makes no sense
That statement alone makes no sense on its own
But just allow me to open your eyes to what’s shown
That people use too much logic to pick a mate
They’ll take every appearing trait
And put it in some kind of love equation before or after the first date
Now it may not be as simple as you may think
But it’s also not as complex as it may look
This is love, not a gourmet meal you’re trying to cook
You’re not suppose to be able to plan it
You’re not suppose to choose it or understand it
Too much logic and you’ll ruin it
Think too much and of course you’ll find a reason to doubt
That’s ruining the pureness love is all about

I’m about a love that’s senseless
Waking up many mornings with a name in my head and not knowing why
Catching myself daydreaming as I stare into the sky
And if I try, I can’t fight the feeling
And that’s ok because I don’t want to
I want my lady love to ask me why I love her
And my response is “I don’t know, I just do with no blind cover”
Because I may not understand what I see but I can see it
Its love and I’ll sacrifice what ever to keep it
I know this because I have
My stubborn male pride, I give it up
My harsh sarcastic side, I give it up
My hardness in the street, I give it up
Even my sanity that I keep, I give it up
What ever I have to, I give it up
So with love I can live it up

I’ll sacrifice to go the distance
And speaking of distance, I’ll put that on the table
That just because we’re not able to see each other all the time
Doesn’t mean we can’t be together all the time
I don’t have to be there for you to see me
Just close your eyes open your heart and there I’ll be
And instead of thinking of how far we are
Try to think of how close we are
We may be weak physically
But emotionally and spiritually we couldn’t get any stronger
So don’t let distance stop anyone any longer
Because we all know distance makes the heart grow fonder
It could always be worse
And I would never curse this on a girl or guy
But what if either of the two shall die?
That’s a distance you can never overcome
So think of the closeness
And the only far should be how far you’ve come

Senseless love is love off pure emotion
There are not any outside incentives to keep the devotion
See, I want a senseless love
A love that I beat myself up each night wondering why I love so much
And never coming to a conclusion on why I so crave her touch
You people that are too cautious make me nauseous
Throw caution into the wind to win your true love
Give it a try and give all you got
Because sometimes you’ll have to give a little to gain a lot
You can’t plot a diagram for love
You’ll have to sacrifice to get it
And until you can equal that
You don’t need to holla back
But to those that wish to try
The love life, in order to gain entry
You must first answer one question for me
In order to stay out of the cold and rain from above
Tell me, what would you sacrifice for love?

11/27/2006

Falling Infatuation (What's Your Price?)

2006-11-29T12:11:00.000-05:00

Many battle the idea of being in love versus infatuation
They can’t tell the difference when faced with confrontation
I’m not an expert to give an explanation
But just incase when you face this event
Try to focus so confusion you can prevent

You get infatuated with what someone can do or say
You get in love with what a person is from day to day
The role they play and the character they have
Not spending halve of their money to make you happy
That’s infatuation putting a price on your head
Resulting in someone spending nights in your bed
And I know it gets said, “I want to give you the world”
But I’m sorry, that’s still a price
You should really think twice and make sure your worth is precise

So you’re getting taken to fancy restaurants and night and day clubs
You feel you’re falling head over heel
But the value of a meal and dance is on your worth’s pay stubs
You’re falling for infatuation
Being driven in a hot ride that’ll catch an eye
Person looks so good and you don’t know why
Step on the scene with a mean wardrobe and coat
Your price is an outfit and a car note
You’re falling for infatuation

The worse kind of price is when it’s absolutely free
Maybe now you’ll open your eyes to see
That the person that said all the things you wanted to hear
Maybe they were or weren’t sincere
That the way their image may appear
At times it will seem unclear
Or maybe they’ll step into a room and everyone will cheer
Do you realize you’ve fallen for what you’ve seen and heard?
That for the price of a word they didn’t have to touch their wealth
Because you set the free price to yourself

Now I’m not saying go into seclusion of relationships or anything of that measure
Because nothing is wrong with giving or receiving a nice gesture
But don’t let that be the basis of foundation
If you’re with someone for what they have going on or say
You’re putting a price on yourself
And don’t confuse that infatuation with love
You need to think twice to yourself
Because it works both ways
The person with that car is worth that car, he used it to gain attention
The person getting in is worth that car, it took it to get their attention
Do I have to put the obvious in mention?
Those outside variables only add to the infatuation tension

When I fall in love, I plan on knowing my mate
And it won’t be lifestyles, it’ll be personality to which we relate
And when on a date, it won’t matter low budget or high cost
Because I know I won’t have lost anything with her
She’ll see me for who I am and not what I am
She’ll focus on the interior
And when she falls in love with me
She won’t see with her eyes
Instead, she’ll see with what lies inside
I won’t have to put on a mask and hide
I can show my true face
Good and bad side like two face
She won’t be infatuated with what I say or am making come to be
Because any day those blessings can be taken away from me
She’d give that unconditional love, love that’s unbiased
If you can’t take me at my lowest
Then I don’t want you when I’m at my highest
Take everything away and she’d still love the remains
And would continue to love even if nothing from that changed

Dinner and dancing: $100
Shopping spree: $500
New car: $40,000
This is my advice to the adviceless
Because I don’t know about you, but my love is priceless

11/24/2006

Betrayal

2006-11-18T21:51:00.000-05:00

Don’t let my absence deceive you
And don’t let my kind attitude make you think I believe you
I don’t have to be there to see everything
And I don’t have to hear from you to hear everything
Growing up didn’t you learn?
You have to look out for the quiet ones

People with that persona only aid to my growing trust issue
It’s a good thing I’ll review the preview on you
Before I allow anything to continue
And you can construe these words however you like
I now really could careless
As opposed to when I wanted to caress the mental and physical
Now I just find you way too typical

In the slight chance you felt you did all you could do
Then what the hell did you do?
If that’s the best you got
The most you have to give
If you thought that’s what it takes
You need to think again then
I already saw this outcome because I’ve paid attention

And if you thought I was going to wait to see what you wanted to do
Patience is not my virtue
So don’t think I’ll be on hold for you
Oh I know how to wait
For the worthy I can keep myself in containment
But these kind of situations
I’ll wait and watch for pure entertainment

It is interesting though
How every time I get comfortable being alone
Someone like this tries to come invade my home
Try to get me comfortable to get the advantage
But their disadvantage is that I’ve been here so many times before
I already know this road and what’s in store
So when you see a slick grin creep on my face and the purpose you’re unsure
Just know I’m waiting for the right opportunity to kick your ass out the door

I can be an angel or I can be a devil
It’s your choice
People know I have their back or I’ll get them back
Check your invoice
And by the way, you’re speaking to the asshole right now
Couldn’t you sense the anger?
Didn’t you see the red flag that read “Danger”?
That means HE’s coming, but this time just for one poem
Because he’s lude, he’s illicit, he’s R Rated
Would you really like me to further demonstrate it?

11/17/2006

There Aren't Any Left

2006-11-18T21:48:00.000-05:00

There aren’t any left, that’s something I should hear in a store
There aren’t any left, that’s something I should hear in a hotel
That’s not what I should hear about a good man
But that’s not what you’ll tell
So I’m going to tell it how it is

I’m sure it’s a few people that I’m going to offend
But I don’t want anyone else saying there are no more good men
Now I don’t roll like that but I’ve found these guys
If you’d think a little more and be a little more wise
You would too
I know this because one is standing before you
And I see nobody beating down my door
Usually they’re walking the other direction
I guess they found a slight imperfection upon closer inspection
But for my protection I don’t allow myself to stress over them
Because if they can’t see my true value
Then I don’t need to worry over them

I know there are good men out there because I associate with them
I have a friend that gave up a player lifestyle for his woman
I have a friend that gave all he had of pocket and heart for his woman
I have a friend on his grown man, getting successful for his future woman
I even have a friend that takes grief he shouldn’t for his woman
Yes, sometimes a good man will go bitter
But that’s because it’s only so much un-appreciation they can take
Before they bend a little, but not break

You ladies need to admit the mistake of not thinking on a grander scale
You’ll take a man, try to put him in your little box and make him fit it
If he’ll fail to do so, you’ll just quit it
You have to think outside the box
Failure to do so only blocks
All possible potential you could reach
If your pursuit is leaving bad results, maybe you should alter your views
If you’re not happy on your path, then what do you have to lose?

Just keep in mind you might have to compromise a little
A good man isn’t always going to fit into your little box
Trying to fit us in your world
Well what about ours?
You want to be praised and happy, well so do we
A good man deserves a good woman, wouldn’t you agree?
This isn’t to down you ladies, but to simply open your eyes
We all have to walk our own road in life
But be open to those that may join your journey
You never know what two roads merge together
Because love shouldn’t always be about stormy weather

11/15/2006

Rewarding Error (Why They Cheat)

2006-11-15T09:06:00.000-05:00

Would you reward your dog for biting you?
Would you reward your child for fighting you?
Would you reward your husband for beating on you?
Then why are you rewarding your boyfriend for cheating on you?

The only reason he’ll do it is because you allow it
He cheats on you and you take him back
He lies to you and you take him back
You’ll catch him red-handed and still take him back
And you wonder why he won’t change his act
Because he keeps doing wrong
But you reward him by taking him back

Did you once think if you put your foot down you’ll send a message?
Ditch him after the first trial
Let the public know you won’t stand for it
That you’re not a fan for it to continue
Because a man with a woman that takes him back after cheating
He does not deserve that woman
And also vice versa, can I get an amen

It’s a shame though
If cheaters never prosper
Why do players wind up with the sweetest people?
They may have physical drive but their minds are so feeble
Then again I can’t say that
Because they find a way back into your life
Once again bringing you the strife
Until you can’t take it anymore or you become trapped
Too many instances you’ll become their wife

Though you don’t have to be wifey
You can just be the girlfriend
But when tied down you act shocked when
You find them cheating when you knew before
That they were a flirt, did you expect anything more?
Did you expect him to change just because you tied him down?
If so, you’re going to be upset and watch your tears pour

It’s not your fault a man cheats
You didn’t ask for that
But you’re not helping the situation by taking him back
A man cheats because he knows he can get away with it
Because you’ll get upset, throw a fit, but in the end be ok with it
Now many don’t take any mess and that’s good for them
But way too many do because they feel they need him
Ladies you do not need a man at all
Not someone that will hesitate to catch you when you fall
If you choose one, find one that will make you his complete world
That’s who you should reward

So why reward someone who is doing wrong?
Someone with dissimilar intentions all along
And the longer you get hurt
The more likely you will hurt the next
That is until the return of the cheating ex
Who you know you will take back
How about you reward yourself and that bad habit break it
Pursue real love, you deserve to make it

11/14/2006

Getting Mines

2006-11-13T20:28:00.000-05:00

We now live in an altered times
Where the majority mindset is on “getting mines”
Where the only exercise we get
Is stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions
All to support our mental delusions
To justify what we do
To make us think it’s the right thing

It’s sad when a sensible figure tries to act coy
Even worse when a good pastor turns into a bad boy
Then running with gorillas
Long gone are the days of the honest and loyal
If you find a half decent person you better refrigerate before they spoil
Because people now think only of themselves instead of their fellow man
It’s all about what they can do and will do to get themselves through
And if they have to screw you in the process
Well that’s just how it is

Now homies dissing homies because they’re looking out for number one
And the females cutting off because they feel they have to run
Keeping the idea, “I got to get mine”
People will only tolerate that for a matter of time
Then they will start dissing back
Now ya’ll walking a fine line
Because when did two wrongs make a right?
You diss me and I diss you back harder
Guess neither of us is acting any smarter
Because what if someone was trying to look out for you
And what if one of those toes you stepped on was someone that really cared for you
While a bond you’re steady trying to break it
Just so you can make it
It’s a shame you never even knew
That when you reach the top, you’ll be all alone
Now what are you going to do?

Yes in this world you’re given, you only have yourself
But don’t shut out others in pursuit of wealth
Wealth of the mind
Wealth of the pocket
Wealth of the spirit
Or what ever else you’ll rich yourself with

Only you can walk your road of life
But you have to be open to let others join your journey
As for me
I may be a black male, but I don’t blackmail
I give everyone the opportunity to succeed or fail
If you succeed, maybe you’ll pull me up
If you fail, then I can pull you up
Karma comes back, set up some new guidelines
Get rid of the idea that it’s all about you and “getting mines”

11/13/2006

Can You See It?

2006-11-13T20:27:00.000-05:00

Can you see us holding hands?
Can you see us holding bodies?
Can you see me being the one you miss?
Or can you see yourself holding your tongue?Preventing all of this

Can you see me be the one to stroke your face?
Can you see me be the one by your side when you awake?
Can you see me be the only one you kiss?
Or can you see yourself deny me access?
Then scratch everything off that list

Can you see me having you emotionally at ease?
Can you see me help you put all your worries to rest?
Can you see me help block life’s harms?
Or can you see yourself waiting?
As if for some kind of alarm

Can you see yourself falling into my heart?
And me into yours
Can you see yourself falling into my arms?
Or can you see yourself fall for someone else?
And all of their charms

Can you see me be the one to always compliment you?
Can you see me be the one to compliment your lifestyle?
Can you see us given the chance to grow?
Or will you turn and avoid it?
Like you just don’t know

Can you see it?
Can you see us fighting to stand tall?
Can you see it being a good try?
Can you see us belong together?
Or can you see us saying goodbye?

11/13/2006

Get Privileged

2006-11-13T20:20:00.000-05:00

I have certain boundaries that I keep
Don’t look for the perks of a friendship if you’re not a friend
Don’t think I’m going to treat you as my girl when you’re not
It’s certain levels I’ll open
Reaching them is what you should be out there hoping
Like I hope you put forth effort to get there
Because I want to open up
But I know better than to take that dare
Certain things I’ll open myself to with a friend I wouldn’t a regular person
And certain things I’ll open myself to with my girl I wouldn’t a to a friend
These are boundaries that won’t bend
I’ll be caring and affectionate to the girl of interest
But its things I hold back and reserve
Not to hide things
But to save them for who will rightly deserve
I’ll give myself right off the break
But a girl of interest will get treated good
While a girlfriend will get treated great
I don’t mean to keep things guarded
But it’s certain levels of trust
And certain openness that must
Be held back until certain levels are reached
I don’t mean to hold back things causing us to cool down
I just need to know with us your feet are firmly planted on the ground
If you really want it, then to these privileges you’re bound
To receive, because these privileges can’t be just thrown around

11/12/2006